[2020-08-06] First day of health leave
Why "health leave"? Because "sick leave" sounds sad. I’m on leave to get healthy. Starting today. And so my journey begins.
In truth, my journey began a week ago when I learned that I have ovarian cancer. I didn’t see that coming. I thought that I had something wrong with my gallbladder. I had woken up in the middle of the night on Wednesday, July 29 with a pain in my side—just under my right rib. So I went to the emergency at 7:00 a.m., after an early-morning consultation with Telehealth Ontario. Nine hours later, after blood work and an ultrasound, the ER doctor took me into a small room and said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you don’t have gallstones. The bad news is that you have ovarian cancer."
There were a few more words exchanged than that, but the bottom line was the same: a scary, unexpected diagnosis.
I’ve come to terms with the diagnosis after repeating it so many times to family, friends and co-workers. When I told a few colleagues on Friday, I had said only that I had a serious health issue. I hadn’t yet broken the news to my extended family (my mom, my sister and my brothers) and so I didn’t feel that it was fair that others knew before them. Telling my extended family was the hardest part. I didn’t want to bring them more sadness after a difficult year following the death of our beloved brother, Greg. But I’m glad I told them and relieved that that’s behind me.
Some people are very private about their health issues, and I completely understand and respect that. For my part, I have always found that being open about what I’m going through elicits very helpful information. For instance, one person I mentioned my diagnosis to revealed that she had had ovarian cancer 20 years ago. Another person who fought colon cancer advised me to stay positive, to not Google about cancer, and to keep exercising.
Today, I had a call with my family doctor. Dr. Daverne’s first words to me were that she had been thinking a lot about me since receiving the news of my diagnosis. We are both hardworking professionals, and just one year apart in age. She offered everything one could hope for from a doctor: empathy, information, encouragement, a realistic picture of the challenge ahead, and hope. She said, "allow yourself to be upset and sad and grieve the loss of your perfect health. It's totally normal if you do fall apart."
I know that hard times lie ahead. But I am arming myself for those days. Today, I collated into a single document all the beautiful messages I have received in the past few days. I’m sure that I will need to read from this Inspiration File on many occasions in the future. My thanks to everyone who sent me their kind words, especially the e-card from a special friend.
On a final, more positive note, I should tell you that Chris and I got married two days ago. On our back deck under one huge umbrella because it was pouring rain, we said, "I do" after 30 years together. Our children—29-year-old Shane and 27-year old Melanie—were our witnesses. I joke that Chris is now legally obligated to take care of me—as if he doesn’t already treat me like a princess.
I am blessed to be surrounded by a loving family, generous friends and colleagues who are beyond compare. My heart is full.
