[2020-08-13] What cancer cannot do
My wonderful sister-in-law Pam has written to me many times since my diagnosis to share hope, inspiration and a good joke. Her friend MaryAnne has been dealing with ovarian cancer for 26 years. For the past 8 years, Pam and MaryAnne have co-chaired the Terry Fox Run in Lake Echo, Nova Scotia. Each year, they put the note below in the participant package for the run.
I loved it. I have found—in just two weeks—that not only can cancer NOT do a whole bunch of things, but it actually does the opposite of some of the things listed below.
Love - Cancer has not diminished the love in my life. In fact, it's multiplied it. From a simple wedding to my common-law husband of 30 years to the 100+ messages I've received from family, friends and coworkers (present and past), I have been showered with love. In the latter case, perhaps the love was always there, but cancer was the catalyst that spurred many to write to me and to share extraordinarily kind thoughts. I hope that I can return that love in time.
Hope - I remain hopeful that I will overcome this disease. Even if I get bad news tomorrow at my first oncology appointment, I will continue to believe that I will get better. One of the messages I received today was from a friend who shared a story of having been given a 10% chance of overcoming a health challenge she faced. She put every fibre of her mind and body into succeeding despite the small hope others had. And when she was successful, a wave of quiet peace came over her.
Faith - I am blessed to live in one of the best countries in the world, where health care is accessible and where—I'm told—cancer patients are treated with kindness and dignity. I have faith in our health care system. Several of the people who reached out to me today are cancer survivors themselves. And that magnifies my faith.
Peace - Cancer may challenge my sense of peace and may diminish it temporarily, but it has not done so yet—at least not in a sustained way. Every day that I get to spend with my loved ones is a day of peace. Today, I had a lovely, physically distanced visit with my mom and sister. We sat out on my back deck and drank tea. I can't remember the last time we did that.
Friendship - One of my employees told me about the "fierce support" I provide to employees in my branch. I love that expression. Cancer is no match for the "fierce support" I have received from so many people. Cancer has not killed friendships. On the contrary, it has rekindled some and strengthened others.
Memories - Another message I received today (and I've received many like this) described my first meeting with the writer. Some things I remember (it was her birthday the day we met); others I do not (I insisted she sit at the table with everyone else). Thanks to cancer, I am being reminded of so many wonderful relationships and the impact I have had on others, often without my even knowing it.
Courage - I don't know what cancer treatment will be like. But I know that I made it through 4 months of morning sickness, and three surgeries for a recurring breast infection, and the recent loss of my beloved brother Greg. My love of life and of others gives me courage.
Soul - A colleague posted on Instagram today: "Early on in my journey I was challenged to not only look for the light but to BE the light." That really resonated with me. If I can be the light for others while dealing with cancer, my soul will be full.
Life - My cancer diagnosis has led to message after message detailing the impact I have had on others. Everyone should have the gift of knowing their unique contribution to the world. I learned from a dear friend many years ago that we should never be shy to tell people what we admire and appreciate in them. If you've thought well of someone lately, tell them. They may have no idea.
Spirit - Yesterday, someone I know through a family member asked to be added to my list of supporters (as opposed to the distribution list for this blog). Amazing what a small shift in perspective does. And today, a friend wrote to say, "You are being lifted up by so much love from so many...and that is incredibly powerful." That is powerful. Every single one of you is helping to boost my spirit. And for that, I am so grateful.
Just as I was finalizing tonight's post, I received one more message from an employee. She closed her email by saying, "I will be thinking of you and cheering for you as part of #teamJen." I will have you all in my heart as I take the next step in my journey.
