[2020-08-25] Vulnerability
Today's post is inspired by Brené Brown's book Daring Greatly, a copy of which arrived today along with Delia Owens' novel Where the Crawdads Sing—both courtesy of a dear friend and colleague.
Brown is a research professor who studies courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy. During one of her TED talks, she asked audience members whether they struggle to be vulnerable because they think of vulnerability as a weakness. "Hands shot up across the room," she writes. However, when she asked them whether they thought that the TED speakers who showed vulnerability on the stage were courageous, "Again, hands shot up across the room."
Brown's conclusion is that people see vulnerability in others as courageous but vulnerability in themselves as inadequacy.
Many have described my decision to chronicle my journey with cancer as courageous. For me, the only truly courageous act is committing to writing every day. The biggest uncertainty for me is whether I will have the courage to share the sadder moments of my adventure since I have always striven to be someone who lifts others up, not brings them down.
Sharing my stories is something I've practised during years of blogging. When I first started blogging in 2008, I was reluctant to share too much about myself. But a wise reader told me that that's precisely what people want to read.
I also learned over the years that with blogging, there's a sort of boomerang effect. Share a favourite quote, book, song or movie, and multiple recommendations come back. Tell a story about losing a brother, and receive several touching stories of grief and love lost. Share a health challenge, and get numerous suggestions of how others dealt with the same thing or something similar. All as interesting as the original.
This reciprocity is what makes the act of being vulnerable much less scary.
Brown writes in Daring Greatly,
Vulnerability is based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust. It’s not oversharing, it’s not purging, it’s not indiscriminate disclosure, and it’s not celebrity-style social media information dumps. Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them. Being vulnerable and open is mutual and an integral part of the trust-building process.
Sharing my story has been easy because you have all been so accepting and supportive of me. And in sharing your own stories, you have helped me see that I'm not alone, that I have much to be hopeful for, and that life is filled with beautiful moments.
