[2020-09-08] Kindness and compliments

A few years ago, I was at a restaurant with my husband and our two children. Seated close by was a mom, dad and three kids. The kids were so well mannered and calm. As I left the restaurant, I paused at the family's table and said to the parents, "Your children are so well behaved." The parents beamed.

I recalled this occasion when I watched a short video that my sister-in-law sent me this morning with a similar story. Executive coach and three-time cancer survivor Bill Hart tells a story of being at a restaurant and observing a nicely dressed, elderly woman sitting nearby. Alone at a large table, the woman is soon joined by what Bill assumes to be her daughter and several grandchildren.

Bill explains in the video, "A voice in my head starts saying, 'You need to go tell her how pretty she looks.'" It's not until he finishes his meal, pays the bill and is about to leave that he decides to act on the voice.

He crouches down near the woman and says, "Hey, if nobody else has told you yet today, I just want you to hear from me how lovely you are."

Her reply: "I know you."

"No, we don't know each other," Bill insists.

The woman says, "I know your spirit.... My husband died a year ago, and that's something that he would have said to me."

Bill says that he hugged the woman and smiled at her through tears. "What I know for sure is that she was blessed and I was enormously blessed."

Bill believes that the little voice was divine intervention, equivalent to a tap on the shoulder.

In my case, I saw something remarkable in that family in the restaurant and acted on the impulse to remark on it.

There was a time when I wouldn't have done so. I don't know why. Perhaps shyness, uncertainty about how such a remark would be received, or fear that I would be bothering the person. But I learned from watching a colleague and friend who was a serial compliment giver. His compliments were always so well received. When I tried it myself, the results were always the same: I made someone's day and, in their positive reaction, they made mine. My daughter has followed in my footsteps.

There are many ways to pay a compliment besides accosting someone in a restaurant. Here are some ideas that I've gathered as inspiration:
  • Like, reply to, or share a post on social media that moves you
  • Thank your barista or waiter, ideally by name
  • Ask a senior about their past and thank them for sharing their story
  • Leave a positive review online for a local business
  • Text someone good morning or goodnight
  • Write down someone's best qualities and share it with them
  • Endorse a skill or leave a positive recommendation for someone on LinkedIn
  • Cheer on a teammate or anyone engaged in a sport or fundraising walk or run
  • Be a buddy to a new member of the team
  • Thank a different person each week
Today's reflection reminds me of this quote by Stephen Grellet,

I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again.

On the health front, today I felt like the hare but continued to play the tortoise. My pain was diminished, but I'm not taking my progress for granted. Slow and steady remain my mantra.

And in more good news, my and Chris' marriage certificate arrived in the mail today. It just feels right.