[2020-09-22] Listen to the elderly and other life lessons

As a follow-up to yesterday's post about The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse, a friend sent me a list of lessons someone in their mid-70s had shared (full list below).

One of my favourites:

I stopped telling the elderly that they've already narrated that story many times. The story makes them walk down memory lane and relive the past.

I actually learned this lesson from my husband. Early in our relationship, I would interrupt him if he started repeating a story. "Yes, yes," I would interject. "You've already told me this." I probably thought that my motivation was altruistic, trying to save him the time or trouble of reciting something he'd already told me, but it was a reflection of my impatience and it was selfish. Not surprisingly, he would get upset with me. I learned to listen patiently as he told each story—even if I had previously heard it. And I learned that, even after 30 years, he still has more tales to tell.

Three other lessons from the list that I really liked:

I realized that I am not Atlas. The world does not rest on my shoulders.

I had an Atlas complex for years, feeling that I was responsible for many more things than I should have concerned myself with. It led me to work too hard sometimes, as I tried to do it all. I know that as instrumental as I may be in a team, I am not irreplaceable. For the past month and a half, my team has soldiered on without me, and will continue to do so for the months ahead. And I'm OK with that.

I have learned not to correct people even when I know they are wrong. The onus of making everyone perfect is not on me. Peace is more precious than perfection.

I am still learning this one, but one trick that I have found effective for not correcting people is to say something like this: "Oh, I thought that 'Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening' was written by Robert Frost, but perhaps I'm mistaken."

I walk away from people who don't value me. They might not know my worth, but I do.

I worked on my self-esteem many years ago, helped by a great book called Celebrate Your Self: Enhancing Your Own Self-Esteem by Dorothy Corkille Briggs. One quote that had a particular effect on me is this one:

Does it make a difference that you exist? Of course it does. No one is your duplicate; your gifts are solely yours. Large or small, there is some contribution that only you can make. Everywhere there is a need for what you have to offer. Quiet Self celebration brings a serenity that allows you to contribute to the world and those around you in your own never reoccurring ways. Your purpose is to unfold your Special Beingness. There is no question about it. Experiencing your self-worth is the key to your life. It is contagious to all around you.

This book helped me to see not only my value but the value of others as well—something that has been on glorious display in recent weeks. Some people have sent me songs they recorded, food they prepared, flowers they picked, crafts they made, gifts they selected, jokes they laughed at, photos they took, and books they loved. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Never underestimate your value, take pride in the unique gifts you have to offer, and listen to others' stories.