[2020-10-01] First chemotherapy session

I've been watching the very funny TV series The Good Place—a town where individuals who have been good throughout their lives go after they die. The fourth and final season arrived in Netflix this week. I watched a few episodes today while receiving chemotherapy.

In one of the shows, character Chidi Anagonye—a philosophy professor—says: "Turns out, life isn't a puzzle that can just be solved one time and it's done. You wake up every day and you solve it again."

I found that quote very fitting: like life, cancer is a puzzle that can't be solved one time. For the foreseeable future, I will wake up each day and do one or two or three things that will contribute to my solving that puzzle.
  • Blog launch. Check.
  • Consultation with oncologist. Check and ongoing.
  • Blood work, tests, diagnostic procedures. Check and ongoing.
  • Surgery. Check.
  • Medicine. Ongoing.
  • Recovery from surgery. Well under way.
  • Chemotherapy. 1 down, 5 to go.
  • Responses to messages from friends, calls with family members, daily publishing to Jenesis. Ongoing.
I had three objectives today: (1) get through chemo, (2) call a few family members as soon as I left The Ottawa Hospital's Cancer Centre, and (3) write this post.

A friend said to me this morning, "This is not like anything you have tackled before but if you take your time mentally and breathe through it before you know it you will be home in your pyjamas." And that's exactly what has happened.

I have experienced no side effects so far, unless you consider it a side effect that I got sleepy after the nurse gave me Benadryl. I actually didn't mind it, as it was an easy puzzle to solve: take a nap.

I do feel tired now and a little foggy. If I start to feel nauseated or uncomfortable, I have lots of drugs to take—preemptively and responsively. So I feel well equipped. The nurses, support professional and pharmacist at the Cancer Centre were all so efficient, accommodating and generous with their time. It was a pleasure to learn and use their names in conversation.

I also feel well prepared to tackle any post-chemo issues that might emerge, thanks to my sister, niece and mom. They put together a gorgeous chemo care package, which my sister left at my front door last night. For my physical health, it contains a mouthwash and Life Savers to address dryness in the mouth, a super soft toothbrush because gums can become quite sensitive, fragrance-free and hypoallergenic body wash and cream to counter skin dryness and in case I become sensitive to fragrances, lip balm to prevent dry lips, Gravol and ginger snacks to deal with nausea, and Epsom salts for a relaxing bath.

For my mental health, the basket contains the cutest little rubber duckies as well as words representing me—wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt—and my loved ones. I took along with me to the Cancer Centre the words Caring Sis and two rubber duckies, representing my sister and me. Had it not been for COVID, my sister would have been my chemo buddy. Instead, she was with me in spirit, as were so many of you.

Today's inspiration from A Year of Positive Thinking is also instructive:

When difficult times arise, remind yourself that life will go back to normal, even if it's a new normal. Whatever you are experiencing will eventually pass. This truth doesn't diminish what is happening, but it allows you to find the light at the end of the tunnel by recognizing that time will keep moving forward. And in time, you will be okay once again.

That's my goal: to once again be okay.

I know that I'm not the only one facing difficult times. I think about all my colleagues at Health Canada and the Public Health Agency of Canada, as well as across the Public Service, who continue to fight COVID. I think about people who are caring for elderly and vulnerable friends, neighbours and family members. I think about the medical professionals who are working hard to prevent the transmission of COVID in healthcare settings and to care for people who need medical care in the midst of a pandemic. I applaud all of you for your selfless acts of kindness.

In the same episode of The Good Place mentioned above, Michael—the architect of the town—says: "People improve when they get external love and support." I would say that people are also better able to go through difficult situations when they get external love and support. Thank you for your ongoing encouragement and assistance!