[2020-10-21] Laughter and inspiration in abundance
When I wrote yesterday's post, I was 90% at peace with the impending loss of my hair, but there was that 10%—somewhere deep in my soul—that wasn't so convinced. I am strong and positive, but sometimes I don't realize when certain circumstances are getting me down, even if only a little bit.
But then I received so many funny and inspirational responses to my post. They filled up that 10% hole, and then some.
I had a conversation with my sister last night and we laughed about the hair loss. In response to my blog post, she said it sounded like a had taken a shower with a hairy bear. She mused about weird and wonderful hair styles that I could experiment with. And she wondered whether I'd have a nicely shaped head. That reminded me of Shel Silverstein's poem "Wavy Hair": "I thought that I had wavy hair until I shaved. Instead, I find that I have straight hair and a very wavy head." It was all very funny and left me feeling stronger. It was the first time that we were able to laugh together about anything related to my cancer. It was uplifting for both of us.
One person wrote to me that "Bald is beautiful" and encouraged me to stay proud: "Wear those toques and rock them!" She talked about her own decision to stop colouring her hair: "I have recently decided to go dyeless, and let my prematurely aging strands...shine in all their natural salt and pepper glory." She considered cutting it all off, but hesitated because of her "recently re-acquired COVID weight." Otherwise, she said, "I'd be rockin' a salt-n-pepper buzz cut with a red lippy all day, every day." Her concluding advice to me was this: "Keep your chin up and your spirits high. You are beautiful, hair or no hair. It's just another part of your body you will be able to give thanks for when it re"Jen"erates."
How awesome is that? I've never dyed my hair. Ever. I embraced my "natural highlights" and was amazed that, at 54, my hair was still more pepper than salt. So why not take the same approach with hair loss—seeing it as a "natural" part of cancer.
Many people speculated on what my hair might be like when it starts to regrow. Could it be even curlier than it is now, or perhaps straight? Could it be blonde, like a photo of me sporting a Meryl Streep, Devil-Wears-Prada look, which my staff put up in the hall outside my office? The friend who reminded me of that photo wrote: "You are stunningly gorgeous in that photo as you will be bald, I have no doubt."
One friend shared these stories: "My son’s friend went through chemo when she was 6-years old for a brain tumour. Her hair was so blonde it was almost white at the time. When it grew back, she was a brunette and has been ever since. She’s 15 now. I know of someone else who had curly hair that grew back straight. So maybe you will end up a blonde after all!"
A new friend shared the experience of her sister, for whom waiting for her hair to fall out became too much at a certain point. So the sisters went off to a hair and wig studio. My friend wrote: "The first swipe with the razor had us holding our breath..... there is no going back after that." When it was over, her sister took a deep breath and said, "that wasn't as bad as I thought." My friend acknowledged that "hair loss can be big deal," saying that "I wanted to share our story with you in hopes that it helps take some of the anxiety out of one of your next steps." She added: "Thanks to our mom we handle life with humor, we actually managed to have a little fun." Coincidentally, my new friend's mom also wrote to me, insisting: "The hair WILL grow back." In her daughter's case, "her hair grew straight up and curly and she thought she resembled Marj Simpson." What remarkable, positive and funny women.
Some of my readers shared their own experience. My friend with cancer 10 years ago said that he, too, lost his hair at about this stage in the treatment process, joking that "Mine came back with a real vengeance afterwards...until heredity took over." A woman whom I met through sharing my story wrote: "When this happened to me (scalp pain etc), I chugged a beer and shaved my hair off...it was a Friday after all hahaha. A way of taking control.... I had already gotten a great wig but other than work, I enjoyed being bald!"
Wow! Could it be possible that I will enjoy being bald? I think I'll like not having to fuss with my hair. I could never let it dry naturally, the way my daughter can with her beautiful, soft curls. My hair has always been frizzy and wild unless I tame it with mousse and a good roll brush.
Some comments were simply touching. One person wrote: "You are still a beautiful person—hair or not!" He asserted that hair is only dressing and that it’s always the soul and warmth of a person that stands out. Another wrote: "You are the best bad-ass I know (in the most positive sense of this term)!" And a third—that same beautiful mother who helped her own daughter through cancer and her other daughters approach it with humour—pointed out: "You can't hide beautiful ......you will still be JEN."
And so I shall.
