[2020-11-02] Surround yourself with positive people
When Dave Mustaine—co-founder, guitarist and vocalist for the heavy metal band Megadeth—was diagnosed with throat cancer, he called someone who had battled the same disease: Bruce Dickinson, lead singer of Iron Maiden. Quoted in Forbes, Mustaine said:
After I was diagnosed with it, I thought, "I want to call Bruce," it’s not like I have a whole Rolodex of rock friends that sing heavy metal music that have throat cancer, [laughs] so my choices were limited.
I was pretty proud of Bruce after speaking with him. Although we’re not super close, I consider him to be someone I look up to. He basically told me the same thing I just told you: surround yourself with good, upbeat, positive people, places and things and try not to cause any unnecessary stress on yourself.
I couldn't agree more with this advice. It takes considerable energy—physical and mental—to go through cancer treatment. Stress and negativity sap that energy. I couldn't imagine dealing with cancer and continuing to do my job, which, though tremendously interesting and meaningful, was quite stressful. I've also found that it's difficult to stay upbeat and positive when I'm around negative people.
The Ovarian Cancer Research Alliance echos the rockers' advice and my own experience, recommending in Living Life with Ovarian Cancer that patients surround themselves with people who will support them:
Many women with ovarian cancer say they quickly found out whom amongst their family and friends were really there for them. Some people have a negative outlook and only see doom and gloom, which may not be constructive to a patient coping with her disease. It can be very burdensome to have to cheer up a friend or relative who gets upset because you are ill. If friends and relatives are not managing your illness well, you have to find ways to rely on those who are able to help.
The Oncology & Hematology Services in Augusta (Georgia) and Aiken (South Carolina) provides six tips for staying positive while dealing with cancer, the first being to surround yourself with positive people. The entire document, How to Stay Positive When You Have Cancer: The Top Tips to Know, is excellent; I've included a summary below.
- Surround yourself with positive people
When making a concerted effort to stay upbeat and happy through your treatment, the first step is to create a positive environment for yourself. Start by surrounding yourself with the friends and family members who bring a smile to your face. When you’re feeling the strain of your treatment, they can bring warmth and light into your world. Focus on the people in your life that have supported you through tough moments in the past. Meanwhile, don’t shy away when it comes to talking about your feelings. ... Confronting your fears and concerns will make them easier to manage. ... If you don’t have many positive people in your life, that’s okay. Instead, focus on finding positive resources. For example, you might have music that always improves your mood or a special pet who brings you joy. You can also read inspirational books or find quotes online that lift your spirits. A support group can help you focus on the positive, too.
- Eliminate toxic relationships
Any source of negativity can make your situation more difficult as you’re trying to stay strong. First, weed out the negative-minded people in your life. ... It’s important to put yourself first right now. Try to focus on a friend or family member who can act as your spokesperson. This person can help you field negative energies and say "no" when you can’t. The next time a negative person starts to impact your mood, your spokesperson can tell them it’s time to leave. ... Right now, you need to focus on trying to stay strong—not on fighting with the people who are supposed to support you.
- Keep a gratitude journal
If you’re having a difficult time staying positive right now, focus on the little things that make you happy. For example, you can write in a gratitude journal each day. Try to focus on the specific people, events, or things that you feel grateful for. ... In addition to using a gratitude journal, you can also cultivate gratitude on a daily basis by thanking someone mentally, writing thank-you notes, counting your blessings, praying, meditating. ... You might also want to show gratitude to the friends and family members who are fueling your positive spirit.
- Discover cognitive reframing
Cognitive reframing allows you to change how you view a certain situation. While the situation can’t change, the way you view it can. ... How many chemotherapy sessions do you have planned ahead? Instead of feeling discouraged, congratulate yourself on the progress you’ve made. Celebrate the small wins.
- Try a mantra
[T]hink of a mantra as...a self-affirmation. Focus on your mantra the next time you’re feeling stressed or discouraged. Your mantra will help you turn away your negative thoughts. Instead, you can use it to relieve your stress.
- Focus on your passions
What made you happy before you started your cancer treatments? From your diagnosis to your doctor’s appointments, you might forget about the life you had before. Take a moment to disconnect from your life with cancer to focus on your actual life instead. What have you always dreamed of doing? Which passions helped you cope with stress on a daily basis? ... Reconnecting with your passions can help you learn how to stay positive and focus on a life beyond cancer.
Whether you're dealing with cancer, coping with the impacts of COVID or just managing life's daily stresses, surrounding yourself with positivity is a wise approach. In an article on stress management, the Mayo Clinic writes:
Surround yourself with positive people. Make sure those in your life are positive, supportive people you can depend on to give helpful advice and feedback. Negative people may increase your stress level and make you doubt your ability to manage stress in healthy ways.
Cultivating positivity in your life is less about cutting the negative nellies out of your life and more about choosing to spend more time with the people who build you up, consuming media such as news stories and movies that are uplifting, and focusing on what's good in your life.
