[2020-11-30] MRI: Most Respectful Interpretation
I can still remember exactly where I was 10 years ago when a colleague said, "Why don't you do an MRI on that?"
We were standing together in front of a large whiteboard that I had posted in our office to promote a little fun and communication among employees. I don't remember what I had said that prompted my colleague to offer her suggestion, but it was clearly an opinion on a matter that could be viewed in more than one way.
What she meant by MRI was a Most Respectful Interpretation. In other words, what is the most positive way to see a situation when you're not sure of the other person's intent?
It's a useful technique that I've used myself and recommended to others many times in the past decade. The reality is that we often don't know why others do what they do. There's little value in assuming the worst when, in fact, the opposite may be true.
Early in my career, I would worry if my boss seemed distant and would wonder whether I had done something to upset him. Later, I learned that bosses are often preoccupied, which rarely has anything to do with me.
I found a similar recommendation a few years later in the book The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People. Author David Niven writes:
Unhappy people take a situation in which they are not sure and come to a negative conclusion. For example, if they aren’t certain why another person is being nice, they assume that the person must have a hidden selfish agenda. Happy people take that same situation and guess the positive possibility, that is, that the person really is nice.
He goes on to say:
Happy people and unhappy people explain the world differently. When an unhappy person must interpret the world, eight in ten times he or she will see the negative in an event. When a happy person must interpret the world, eight in ten times he or she will see the positive.
In my first few meetings with my oncologists, I worried that they weren't telling me everything, so as not to upset me. For example, before my surgery, one doctor sought my consent to do a bowel resection or colostomy if the surgeon determined, during the operation, that either one was necessary. I thought, "maybe they saw something in the ultrasound or concluded something from the pelvic exam that makes them think this will be needed." But I knew that this kind of thinking would only cause me stress—stress that would have been for naught because neither procedure was ultimately needed. I would have worried for two weeks for nothing. It helped that my niece, the nurse, had said: "Oh, they seek that consent from everyone."
So when you find yourself assuming negative intent on the part of someone else, consider doing an MRI on the situation. Better yet, just ask.
