[2020-12-05] The sweetest and most important sound
At chemo on Thursday, I had three nurses attending to me: Kathy, Jacinthe and Melissa.
Kathy has been my primary nurse through three of four chemo treatments, so I've remembered her name. Jacinthe, who met me when I was in the hospital to provide information on what to expect from chemo, was the wonderful nurse who called me the day before Round 4 and encouraged me to do another blood test on the morning of my scheduled chemo. Jacinthe had said that it's possible that my neutrophils would bounce back enough, and she was right! Melissa was new to me, but I learned her name by sneaking a peek at her name tag.
As I've said before, I make a point to learn the names of the nurses who take care of me and to use their names to thank them for the myriad things they do for me. For example, it was uncharacteristically cold in the chemo pod on Thursday. At one point, I caught Kathy's eye and said, "When you have a minute, Kathy, could you please bring me another warm blanket. No rush." Within a minute, Kathy was back with not one but two warm blankets: one for my body and one to wrap around my shoulders. And, later, when I got the results of my CA125 test, it was Kathy I told. I still remember her touching my knee, the way you do when someone shares really good news.
I thanked Jacinthe for encouraging me to do the early-morning blood test. Otherwise, I would have delayed my chemotherapy by a week for no reason. She was so pleased for me, having remembered our conversation from the day before. She said that it was very nice to meet me in person.
When Melissa came to detach my IV at the end of the session, she was wearing a gown that covered her name tag, but I remembered her name from earlier. The nurses work in pairs to double check that each patient gets the right chemotherapy medications. So when I thanked her, I said, "It's Melissa, right?" "Yes," she said, with a smile.
I have often quoted this Dale Carnegie line: "Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language."
Now, having read a good part of How to Win Friends and Influence People, I have additional context for that principle. Carnegie writes:
We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing ... and nobody else. The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others.
Carnegie tells the story of traveling salesman Jim Farley who made a point, whenever he met a new acquaintance, to learn as much information about the person as possible. He would fix all this information in his mind in a picture so that the next time he met the individual, "he was able to shake hands, inquire after the family, and ask about the hollyhocks in the backyard." I've never been quite that disciplined, but I have employed a similar technique. I add details I pick up about a person (family, pets, interests) and keep them in a mental rolodex.
Carnegie shares another powerful story. Sid Levy had a customer named Nicodemus Papadoulos, whom most people called Nick. Levy practised saying his customer's name and used it in full when he met him. With tears in his eyes, Papadoulos said: "Mr. Levy, in all the fifteen years I have been in this country, nobody has ever made the effort to call me by my right name."
Don't catch someone's name when you first meet? Try Napoleon the Third's trick: "So sorry. I didn't get the name clearly," he would say. And if it was an unusual name, we would ask: "How is it spelled?"
As I waited in a quiet reception area apart from the main waiting area to be called for my chemo treatment on Thursday morning, I had no trouble hearing my name despite the distance from the reception desk. That's how attuned we are to our own names. What a wonderful thing!
