[2020-12-17] The beauty of self-acceptance
Today, I was sitting at the dining room table without one of my beanies. It was warm in the house, and I had been bustling about, so my head was hot.
My daughter walked past and said, "I love seeing your bald head, Mom. That look suits you. You have a glow about you."
It was a beautiful compliment, made possible only by my own acceptance of this physical change caused by chemotherapy. If I hated my baldness, my daughter would not likely have commented on my head. But because I've been undaunted by the loss of my hair, she feels free to mention my baldness.
What we think about ourselves has a lot to do with how we react to the comments of others. If we feel good about ourselves, we accept compliments and downplay criticisms. If we don't, we take in the criticisms and discount the compliments.
Before I lost my hair, I thought that I might be embarrassed by my baldness and that I would always cover my head, even around my family, because I was self-conscious. It turns out that I wear a beanie primarily for warmth.
I don't know whether I would be as unfazed if it were summertime and I were out for a walk in the neighbourhood, but I suspect that I would. Even in the summer, I expect that my use of a head covering would be utilitarian—to protect my scalp from the sun—rather than aesthetic—to protect myself from the stares of strangers.
It's easy to blame others who make insensitive remarks—and far be it for me to excuse them. But when we blame others, we give our power away.
The more we are aware of our own self-criticism, the more we can counter it before someone shares a negative opinion. It's like what Eleanor Roosevelt said: "No can make you feel inferior without your consent."
As I was finishing this post, my husband walked by and, noticing my bald head, said, "I'm used to seeing your head covered."
"And?" I asked.
"And it's beautiful," he replied, with a sincere smile.
I'm very lucky that my family sees my baldness as beautiful. I'm certain that this view is influenced, in part, by my own willingness to embrace this change and to see it as just another part of my cancer journey.
