[2021-01-09] A nap and kind words
When I was a child and I was in a bad mood, my mom would say to me, "Go to bed. You're tired."
And after a nap, I always felt better.
Today, I felt tired, physically and emotionally. The appointment with my oncologist yesterday brought me down. I found myself worrying about the future rather than focusing on the present. I also had a headache.
So I retreated to my bed, put on an audiobook, and dozed for almost two hours.
And after the nap, I did feel better.
Just after I woke up, my mom called me for our daily chat. These conversations reflect the stuff of everyday life: what we're cooking, what we're reading, what we did that day. They are like a nap: I almost always feel better after them. Perhaps that's because, for the most part, I take a break from cancer.
A friend of mine whose husband died of cancer a year ago sent me these wise words today: "It also helps to have a 'cancer free' day from time to time where you don’t talk about cancer at all that day. I remember my husband saying that he is not cancer. He is still the same person only living with cancer."
She also said: "Doctor’s appointments are always frightening. One never knows how the cancer is reacting until you speak with the doctor. It’s ok to be down even about good news and hearing about possible side effects. As long as you have that time to reflect but not to stay there."
Another friend, who faced cancer herself, affirmed this: "I also find follow-up oncology appointments stressful." She encouraged me to take life "One day at a time."
I felt less alone. Comforted. More like myself.
I owe so many of you a huge debt of gratitude. You are cheering me on at what feels like the toughest part of the race.
Some of you write every day; some of you, less frequently; some, only once. My wisdom for the day is this: It is never too late and never too infrequent to say, "Hey, I'm thinking of you. I just want you to know that I care." Without knowing it, you may be writing at the precise moment someone needs it, and you may say the exact thing that someone needs to hear.
You may help by saying, "I get it. Me too." Or you may help by sharing a funny story from your own life. No matter what you say, I guarantee that a kind word will help.
