[2021-01-16] When life gives you vinegar

A dear friend sent me an old Taoist proverb:

Three Chinese Masters gathered around a jar of vinegar. Each of them stuck their fingers in the jar to taste it.

Confucius made a sour face, as that is what he tasted. To him, the vinegar, like life, was no more than soured wine. In his mind, people should work harder and follow the recipe more closely so the wine did not sour.

Buddha made a bitter face, as that is what he tasted. To him, the bitterness was akin to the suffering in our lives. His resolve was to find a way to avoid the vinegar, so people need not taste it at all.

Lao-Tzu tasted the vinegar and smiled. He smiled, not because the vinegar wasn't sour or bitter, but because it was vinegar and that's exactly how it should have tasted. To him, if you strive to understand the nature of things, you can achieve harmony with them and ultimately within yourself.

My friend went on to say:

We have all been served big ol' cups of vinegar one way or another, most of which were beyond our control. What we can control is how we choose to react. I will continue to be in awe and in appreciation of your skills and attitude to the cup of vinegar that you have been served. Like you, I hope that we can all find ways to smile and to raise ourselves up.

I read my friend's message while receiving my last infusion of chemotherapy. It was an appropriate moment to reflect on my journey with cancer.

My reaction upon first hearing that I had ovarian cancer was shock, fear and sadness. But I never asked "why" or "why me?" I never blamed myself. I simply accepted that this was a part of my life and would form a part of my story.

I responded to my friend's email by sharing this:

My favourite vinegar is red wine vinegar. We make a big batch of vinaigrette with it plus olive oil and spices. We love it so much that we call it liquid gold. It really does help to see hardships, like cancer, as cups of vinegar. There's always some good that comes out of bad things.

For me, the good has come in many forms:
  • All the love that has flooded into my life. I am grateful beyond words for the positive support I am receiving. At times, I think it's more than one person deserves, but I take it all in with extreme gratitude.
  • Deeper connections with family, friends and colleagues, renewed connections with former coworkers and acquaintances, and new connections with people who have taken inspiration from my story.
  • Hope in the stories of people who have traveled a similar path—people who have faced cancer and are still here to share their advice and encouragement.
  • A fresh perspective on what is important in life: health, family, friends and—most importantly—balance.
  • A new mission to wring every positive thing out of cancer, grow from the experience, and be an even brighter light in the world, both during and after treatment.
My friend's proverb reminds me of the oft-used saying: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." But perhaps it would be more fitting to say: "When life gives you vinegar, make vinaigrette."