[2021-01-23] In lieu of
This morning, I received a link to the obituary for Margaret Marilyn DeAdder, mother to Michael, Paul and David. Michael de Adder, the well-known editorial cartoonist, penned the tribute to his mother.
From the opening sentence, it is clear that this is no ordinary obituary:
Margaret Marilyn DeAdder, professional clipper of coupons, baker of cookies, terror behind the wheel, champion of the underdog, ruthless card player, and self-described Queen Bitch, died on Tuesday, January 19, 2021.
He adds further colour to his cheeky eulogy in the next paragraph:
She excelled at giving the finger, taking no shit and laughing at jokes, preferably in the shade of blue. She did not excel at suffering fools, hiding her disdain, and putting her car in reverse.
While Michael does concede that everything his mom did she did for her children, he playfully describes his mother's relationship with her three sons and contrasts this with her affection for her three granddaughters.
Marilyn loved all children who weren't her own and loved her own children relative to how clean-shaven they were.... Marilyn had a busy life, but no matter what she was doing she always made time to run her kids' lives as well.... Marilyn is survived by her three ungrateful sons, Michael (Gail), Paul and David (Trudy), whose names she never got completely right, and whose jokes she didn't completely understand.
Marilyn is survived by her three granddaughters, Meaghan (19), Bridget (16) and Madelyn (5). While her sons committed unspeakable crimes against humanity, her granddaughters could do no wrong. While her sons grew up on root vegetables and powdered milk (funneled directly into the bag to hide the fact that it was powdered, fooling nobody), her granddaughters were fed mountains of sugary snacks as far as the eye could see, including her world-famous cookies and cinnamon rolls. Her love for them was unmatched.
In an interview with CBC Radio, Michael says that, given her sense of humour, his mom would have enjoyed the attention his description of her has garnered. He says:
"The standard obituary is just depressing and cold.... I knew I wasn't going to do that, and I knew it was going to be somewhat funny. I just didn't think it was going to be—it sort of got out of hand. Things just started coming in and it sort of wrote itself."
When it comes to social conventions, it's easy to follow tradition, accepting that this is just how things are done. It's refreshing and inspiring to see a different approach.
As funny as the tribute is, what stands out for me is the deep appreciation Michael and his brothers have for their mom, her humour and her zest for life. Wouldn't we all want to be remembered with such tenderness and wit?
Michael concludes his obituary by noting that his mom favoured an Irish wake over a funeral—a party over a somber event with everyone moping around. He and his family will celebrate Marilyn's life post COVID. In the meantime:
In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you do something nice for somebody else unexpectedly, and without explanation.
I imagine that this request reflects Marilyn's commitment to giving back to the community. What a brilliant way for three children to honour their mother and to share with others the love that they clearly received from her.
I hope that you take inspiration from this obituary, as I did, and do something nice for someone—unexpectedly and without explanation.
