[2021-02-09] Choices

A few weeks ago, I came across a video of The Powerful Lesson Maya Angelou Taught Oprah, which has stayed with me ever since.

In the video, Oprah describes a conversation she had with Maya Angelou:

I was telling her my life story, and sharing with her some of the mistakes I'd made in my 20s. And I shall never forget, in that moment, she said to me, "That was when you were 20, and now you're in your 30s. When you know better, you do better."

Maya's advice reflects self-compassion: we can't assess the choices we made in our 20s against the wisdom we have in our 30s. And it reflects maturity: as we gain wisdom, we make better choices.

I have thought about Maya's statement in the context of choices I made before and after my diagnosis. Before cancer, I devoted so much time to work. Since becoming sick, I have questioned whether I had made the right choices.

But Maya's compassionate counsel reminds me that I made the best decisions at the time based on the knowledge that I had then. Today, I am making different decisions about how I spend my time and how I listen to my body. I spend more time with my family, and I no longer deprive myself of sleep or a daily walk to accomplish one more task.

Of course, I have the luxury of being able to focus on my health because of the sick leave benefits I enjoy through my work, which is not something that everyone has. As well, being on leave gives me more time to devote to my loved ones and exercising every day.

Perhaps my current circumstances are less about better choices and more about different choices. The point, I suppose, is not to be too harsh in judging myself when my circumstances change.

All any of us can do is make decisions today based on the information we have in the moment, not look back on decisions we made yesterday, knowing what we know now.