[2021-03-03] Inherently good
When I was a kid, we sold sweet corn from our farm. Oftentimes we would pick it when customers pulled into the yard. But on weekends when we were really busy, we would pick dozens of cobs and set up a stand at the entrance to the farm.
At the end of one particular day, we had about half a dozen cobs of corn remaining, which we left on the table. The next morning, we could see that the cobs were gone. Thinking that someone had simply made off with them, we went to the stand, only to discover a bunch of coins on the table—more than enough to cover the price of the corn.
That experience made a strong impression on me. I probably didn't know the word integrity at the time, but this surely was evidence of integrity: doing the right thing when no one is watching. It also served to affirm my belief that people are inherently good.
I had that same feeling when I came upon this quote by Patton Oswalt, a comedian, actor and writer:
We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago. So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, "The good outnumber you, and we always will."
It is so easy to conclude that the world is full of self-centred, unethical and hateful individuals. Far too often, traditional media and some social media focus on negative stories, which can easily leave us feeling demoralized and asking "what's the world coming to?"
That's not to say that we shouldn't share or consume stories of exploitation, harassment and unethical behaviour. Doing so is often the first step in addressing such issues. And it's not to say that we shouldn't stand up to unacceptable conduct. We should.
The problem occurs when we start to see this negativity everywhere we look.
Perhaps it's just the current state I'm in or maybe I've always been this way, but I try to focus on the good people, rather than the often loud, selfish and attention-seeking individuals. I think about the health care professionals who have cared for me and are helping me to deal with ovarian cancer in the midst of a pandemic. I think about the essential workers who have maintained services in grocery stores, pharmacies and public transit. And I think about my public servant colleagues who continue to work so hard to keep us informed and supported as the pandemic rolls on.
I'm also reminded of a quote from Fred Rogers (yes, Mr. Rogers):
When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers—so many caring people in this world.
The world is full of caring, selfless and charitable people.
A friend who has been a tremendous support through my ovarian cancer journey mentioned to me today that she sometimes gets sad because her kids are sensitive and their feelings can easily be hurt. Her two kids—a 13-year-old boy and an 11-year-old girl—are amazing. They've painted rocks for me, delivered Halloween decorations to my door, and sent me best wishes in cards throughout my treatment. While their mom knew me before I got cancer, they did not. Their concern for me is remarkable. In responding to my friend, I acknowledged that I can imagine how they might not understand why others are mean or rude. But I believe that their empathy and kindness will serve them well in life.
The givers win in the long run. And there will always be more givers than takers.
