[2021-04-03] What to say

A few years ago, I wrote a blog post on what effective leaders say to their employees, based on this infographic: What Great Leaders Say to Highly Engaged Teams. Here’s the list:
  • Thank you.
  • What do you need from me to make this a success?
  • Sorry, my fault!
  • I value your contribution.
  • What did we learn from this that we can use next time?
  • I have complete faith in you.
  • You’ve done a great job!
  • What do you think?
  • How could we do this better?
  • Do you have the capacity to do this now?
What I love about this list is that it reflects an approach to leading employees that focuses on what they are doing right, offers support to help them overcome obstacles, and views managers and employees as part of the same team. It is leadership based on:
  • Showing gratitude: "Thank you." "I value your contribution." "You’ve done a great job!"
  • Taking responsibility: "Sorry, my fault!"
  • Playing as a team: "What did we learn from this that we can use next time?" "How could we do better?"
  • Providing resources and eliminating obstacles: "What do you need from me to make this a success?" "Do you have the capacity to do this now?"
  • Listening: "What do you think?"
  • Empowering: "I have complete faith in you."
Reading this list today got me wondering whether I could find a similar infographic on what to say to children. It wasn't easy, but I finally happened on this infographic: 64 Positive Things to Say to Kids. Among the statements I like are these ones, organized in logical groups, with a few additions I made based on the list of leader statements:
  • I love you. I'm glad you're here. I'm grateful you're in my life.
  • You make me smile. You make a difference in my life.
  • My world is better with you in it.
  • It's fun to do things with you. I enjoy your company.
  • I have faith in you. I know you can handle it.
  • You are learning. You are growing. Growing is hard work.
  • You are imperfect. So am I. You can learn from your mistakes.
  • You can ask for help. What do you need from me?
  • You are capable. I believe in you. Trust your instincts.
  • Your body is your own. You have a say over your body. You can say no.
  • I believe you.
  • I will do my best to keep you safe.
  • You are creative. Your ideas are interesting. Your ideas matter.
  • I'm excited to see what you do.
  • I am curious what you think. I'm listening. I value your contribution.
  • Thanks for helping me. Thank you for contributing to our family.
  • You are deserving.
  • Someone else's poor behaviour is not an excuse for your own.
  • You are more than your emotions.
Perhaps one of the most important things a parent can say to a child is "Sorry, my fault." It teaches a child that we all make mistakes, that we can admit fault without ruining a relationship, and that we can move on from an error.

As I look at the list of things to say to kids, many of them would work well in any relationship. Sometimes, we take for granted that the people we care about—friends, kids, parents, relatives, bosses, employees, colleagues—know how we feel. But we all love to be reassured that we make a difference to the people in our lives. We all benefit from hearing "I believe you." We all want to be asked what we think and to know that the other person is truly listening to us.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to pick a statement from one of the lists above and to communicate it to someone who needs to hear it. I guarantee that it will make your day as much as it will make theirs.