[2021-04-28] Confidence
I love having conversations about subjects that have nothing to do with cancer. Among my favourite topics are career development and management. I enjoy sharing what I've learned over the past 33 years of full-time work.
Yesterday evening, I chatted with a friend who recently accepted a promotion. Like many people in her position, she has self-doubts. Will she be good enough? Smart enough? Liked by her new team and colleagues? And like many starting a new job, she will likely face a confidence dip for the first few months as she gets used to a new boss, a new culture and a broader set of responsibilities.
I felt this way whenever I started a new job, but especially my last one when I became the Assistant Deputy Minister of Communications for Health Canada and the Public Health Agency of Canada. Not only was I assuming a higher level, but I was also heading up a function in which I had limited experience. I was fortunate to have been handpicked by my new boss, surrounded by some amazing colleagues, and supported by an experienced and competent group of employees.
I recall a conversation with one of my ADM colleagues about six months into the job. He mentioned that he had felt like an imposter for the first year after starting a new job. I was shocked because, to me, he exuded confidence and competence. He was the last person I would ever have expected to suffer from imposter syndrome—that persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud. The discussion encouraged me at a time when I needed a boost, and it made me doubt my own abilities just a little less.
People like my friend would benefit from preparing for the inevitable confidence dip and working to counter it. This is especially important for leaders. For new leaders changing jobs, belief in oneself can sometimes be in short supply. But it’s essential to success. If you don't have confidence, everything suffers. You hold back your ideas. You second guess yourself. You lack conviction when you speak. In turn, your employees may be less convinced of your ideas and direction and fail to be inspired. If you appear to doubt yourself, they may doubt you too.
Just before I took on my new role as ADM back in 2016, I wrote a couple of blog posts related to successfully navigating from one job to another: "Changing jobs? Nurture this quality" and "11 tips for nurturing self-confidence." The advice in these two posts is just as timely today as it was five years ago. Below are 12 tips for building and maintaining a sense of self-assurance, the original 11 from my 2016 post and an additional 1 flowing from my conversation with my friend last night.
1. Know that lack of self-confidence is a universal challenge
I've always taken comfort in knowing that others experience the same challenges as I do. Freelance journalist Rebecca Knight explains in How to Fake It When You’re Not Feeling Confident that "Feeling anxious about a new professional challenge is natural. In fact, imposter syndrome—the creeping fear that others will discover you aren’t as smart, capable, or creative as they think you are—is a lot more common than you might guess." Similarly, Harvard Business Review contributing editor Amy Gallo writes in How to Build Confidence: "Very few people succeed in business without a degree of confidence. Yet everyone, from young people in their first real jobs to seasoned leaders in the upper ranks of organizations, has moments—or days, months, or even years—when they are unsure of their ability to tackle challenges."
2. Realize that confidence is rooted in competence
Confidence is not just about thinking positively and standing tall, though those things can help. It's more about feeling competent. In Building self-confidence: preparing yourself for success, the folks at Mind Tools argue that self-confidence results from a combination of (1) self-efficacy, which comes from learning new things, working hard and mastering skills and achieving goals, and (2) self-esteem, which comes from knowing that you can cope with what's going on in your life. Self-efficacy can be increased by setting goals, acquiring knowledge and preparing and challenging yourself, while self-esteem can be enhanced by reminding yourself of what you've already achieved, engaging in positive self-talk, speaking slowly, maintaining a confident posture and seeing failure as a learning opportunity. And as journalist Rebecca Knight points out: "Faking it ‘til you make it is not about pretending to have skills you don’t." In fact, too much confidence or questionable confidence can come across as arrogance. The point is to believe in yourself so that you can put the effort into working hard and reaching your goals.
3. Make lists of your achievements, strengths and preferred activities
"It’s easy to lose confidence if you feel like you haven’t achieved anything," say the mental health advocates at ReachOut in Australia. In their fact sheet How to build self-confidence, they state: "Focusing on stuff you have done, big or small, can help you gain perspective on all your talents and abilities." I have a tendency to forget my accomplishments, particularly when I start something new and challenging, so this was one of my favourite tips. Make an inventory of your achievements (what you've done), your strengths (what you're good at) and your preferred activities (what you love to do). Such lists are good not only for maintaining self-confidence but also for helping you set goals. Keep the lists handy and review them whenever your morale ebbs.
4. Be aware of your self-talk
Almost every article I consulted on the topic provided this guidance: Take note of what you say to yourself and counter negative self-talk, which can destroy your confidence. My favourite tip was provided by Zen Habits blogger Leo Babauta. In 25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence, he recommends writing a journal to help you access the thoughts you have about yourself. I’ve always found that journaling allows me to get in touch with my thoughts faster than any other process. Being aware of your thoughts is the first step to challenging and changing them.
5. Assume a confident posture
Journalist Rebecca Knight draws on the work of Amy Cuddy—author of the book Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges and the popular TED presentation Your body language shapes who you are—to argue that when you’re feeling insecure, use "body language that makes you feel bold and victorious." For example, walk with your chest held high, take long strides and sit up straight. You can also adopt what some call "the Wonder Woman pose," perhaps standing that way for a minute in an empty hallway before you enter the room where you will be giving a presentation. In short, "carry yourself in a way that conveys power, poise and healthy pride."
6. Speak slowly
"A person who feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to." This statement by blogger Leo Babauta really resonated with me. I often spoke too quickly in settings where I lacked confidence, such as meetings with senior executives. I tried to follow Babauta’s mantra that "A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly." And I endeavoured to remind myself that my contributions had value.
7. Set goals
The Mind Tools fact sheet Building self-confidence: preparing yourself for success argues that setting and achieving goals is essential to maintaining self-assurance. Building on your lists of achievements, strengths and preferred activities (tip #3), determine what’s important to you and where you want to go next, starting with small goals: "get in the habit of setting them, achieving them, and celebrating that achievement." The next step, advises the Mind Tools fact sheet, is to stretch yourself. "Make the goals a bit bigger, and the challenges a bit tougher. Increase the size of your commitment. And extend the skills you’ve proven into new, but closely related arenas." And, as Amy Gallo points out, you often find out what you’re truly capable of only when you are tested through a new assignment.
8. Stretch yourself, but not to the point of breaking
A recent article I read included the sayings "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone" and "A comfort zone is a beautiful place but nothing ever grows there." I think there’s some truth to these statements, but I also take to heart the cautions of several writers to think incrementally. Quoting Amy Cuddy again, journalist Rebecca Knight advises: "If you approach a new position or responsibility with the goal of 'killing it right off the bat, you’re setting yourself up for failure.'" She recommends instead that you make small, incremental improvements. The goal is to step outside your comfort zone, not set yourself up for failure or a breakdown. Knight advises: "if you have deep-seated concerns that the challenge you’re being presented with is too much too soon, or is unrealistic given the time frame and resources at your disposal, it’s important to speak up."
9. Be prepared
"The best way to build confidence in a given area is to invest energy in it and work hard at it," says Tony Schwartz, author of Be Excellent at Anything: The Four Keys to Transforming the Way We Work and Live, as quoted by Amy Gallo. In fact, he argues that "deliberate practice will almost always trump natural aptitude." Similarly, author Jacqueline Whitmore advises her readers in 6 Actions You Can Take Every Day to Build Your Self-Confidence to remember the five Ps: "Prior planning prevents poor performance." She adds: "The more prepared you are, the more confident you’ll feel about your expertise and competency." Blogger Leo Babauta uses the analogy of an exam to prove his point that preparation boosts belief in oneself: "if you haven’t studied, you won’t have much confidence in your abilities to do well on the exam." His advice: "think of life as your exam, and prepare yourself."
10. Expand your knowledge
Like preparation, acquiring knowledge—through research and studying—helps you to feel more confident. Babauta suggests: "The Internet is a great tool, of course, but so are the people around you, people who have done what you want, books, magazines, and educational institutions." I recommended to my friend that she speak to her new boss, the previous incumbent of the job, and a colleague who has followed the same career path. And let’s not forget about the knowledge you acquire by doing. A recent tweet included a pertinent quote by Richard Branson: "If someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you’re not sure you can do it, say yes—then learn how to do it later."
11. Build relationships with your new colleagues and team
One of the things that makes a new job feel daunting is that you're often learning new functions, the ways of a new organization and a new culture, all while knowing few if any of your new colleagues and team. It's easy to feel a little lonely and lost. What has helped me transition to a new position is making a point of meeting one-on-one with my new boss, my new colleagues, and my direct reports as well as with each of my teams. While this can be time-consuming, especially in the early days of a new job when you're trying to get up to speed, it's time well spent and will boost your confidence.
12. See failure as a learning opportunity
The final tip comes from Mind Tools: "Accept that mistakes happen when you’re trying something new." If you view missteps as opportunities to learn rather than failures, you’ll not only learn but also keep your self-worth in perspective.
It is helpful to remember that self-doubt is rooted in fear: fear of failure, fear of being exposed as not up for the job, fear of disappointing others. A lack of confidence can be paralyzing. It can send you into an unending search for perfection, which can drive your employees crazy. So, whether you’re a new leader or an experienced manager heading up a new team or an employee trying to advance in your career, strive to boost your self-assurance. Pay attention to your self-talk, remind yourself of past successes, and stay in touch with people who know your work and believe in your competence.
