[2021-05-27] Kindness and Mr. Rogers

On today's morning walk, I listened to The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers.

Fred Rogers was a shy, frequently ill and often lonely boy who was bullied by his classmates. He said: "I was very, very shy when I was in grade school. And when I got to high school, I was scared to death to go to school. Every day, I was afraid I was going to fail."

But one relationship made a big difference in Fred's life. When in high school, Fred befriended one of the most popular boys in school—Jim Stumbaugh, who excelled in football, basketball and track. When Jim suffered a sports injury and ended up in the hospital, Fred's mother saw an opportunity for her son to connect with the star athlete, who could help Fred socially. She suggested that Fred take school books and assignments to Jim and help him keep up with his school work. Fred would later say:

When Jim was injured, I went to the hospital and years later he told me, "I couldn't imagine why Fred Rogers was bringing me my homework." At any rate, we started to talk, and I could see what substance there was in this jock. And, evidently, he could see what substance there was in this shy kid. So when he got out of the hospital and went back to the school, he said to people, "You know, that Rogers kid's okay." That made all the difference in the world for me. It was after that that I started writing for the newspaper, got to be president of the student council. What a difference one person can make in the life of another. It's almost as if he had said, "I like you—just the way you are."

Fred stated that his high school years had started out painful and frightening but that his relationship with Jim helped him to integrate with his peers. A classmate of Fred's recalled that "when Fred started high school, he was viewed as a little bit nerdy and even sickly, but when he finished, Fred was accepted and thought of as a regular guy."

This story reminded me of an article I read years ago: 8 Reasons Why Kindness Should Be Taught in Schools by Lisa Currie. What struck me most in this article was the assertion that:

Many traditional anti-bullying programs have little impact because they focus on the negative actions that cause children anxiety. Teaching kindness and compassion in schools not only fosters the positive behavior that creates warm and inclusive school environments, but also helps children feel that they belong. It’s documented that the effects of bullying can be significantly reduced by integrating kindness-based programs in schools.

While I doubt that kindness programs were part of the curriculum when Fred was in school, I believe that Jim's speaking up for Fred was an act of kindness as well as genuine friendship. Fred and Jim would remain friends throughout their lifetime, with Fred speaking at Jim's funeral decades later.

What also stayed with me from Currie's article was its focus on the benefits to the purveyor of kindness—something called the "helper’s high" or the "giver’s glow"—rather than the benefits to the recipient.

The article says that children who practice kindness are:
  • Happier because when they are kind they experience a rush of endorphins, which "activate brain regions associated with pleasure, social connection and trust."
  • More accepted by their peers and better liked because being kind "increases our ability to form meaningful connections with others."
  • Healthier and less stressed because being kind can trigger a release of oxytocin, which "can significantly increase a person’s level of happiness and reduce stress" as well as lower blood pressure and reduce inflammation.
  • More likely to have a sense of belonging and a higher self-esteem because the endorphins "heighten our sense of well-being, increase energy and give a wonderful feeling of optimism and self-worth."
  • Blessed with feelings of gratitude especially when they help those less fortunate than themselves and thereby gain perspective on the good things in their own lives.
  • Better able to concentrate and achieve results because being kind "increases serotonin, which plays an important part in learning, memory, mood, sleep, health and digestion."
  • Less likely to be bullied since kindness "fosters the positive behavior that creates warm and inclusive school environments."
  • Less likely to be depressed because being kind increases serotonin levels, a natural chemical that improves mood.
The article quotes psychology professor Maurice Elias, who says that without kindness, "communities, families, schools, and classrooms become places of incivility." This might have been Fred Rogers' fate had it not been for Jim Stumbaugh, and the world may have never been blessed with Mr. Rogers.