[2021-05-30] Best days
I'm lucky to have needed to walk away only a few times in my life. I left a relationship that wasn't healthy even though the other person was good at heart and doing his best. I left a healthcare professional whose proposed approach didn't make sense to me. I left a boss who wasn't a good fit for me, when I was unexpectedly and fortuitously offered an opportunity that I couldn't turn down. And I left my most recent job when I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, knowing that my focus needed to be on my health.
Leaving is hard, but sometimes walking away is the only answer. This morning, while catching up on entries in A Year of Positive Thinking, I came across this passage:
Sometimes leaving is the only option, because it is the only way to choose yourself. And when you choose yourself, you are consciously choosing to thrive in spite of the hurdles you will face by leaving.
When leaving is the only option, courage is your companion. Stand tall, accept your circumstances, and walk proudly toward your future. By choosing yourself, you will always triumph. Believe this in your heart.
What makes choosing ourselves so challenging, especially for those of us who are helpers at heart, is that our leaving can have negative consequences for others, such as the person we care about but can't stay with or the employees and colleagues we leave behind when we exit a job. Add to this uncertainty about whether we're making the right choice and a decision to walk away can be fraught with stress.
It's often only when we look back that we are able to see how wise a decision it was to walk away and how much better our new reality is, even if it's not perfect. Three months after ending my unhealthy relationship, I started dating my husband-to-be. The doctor whose second opinion I sought solved my issue using a less radical approach than my first healthcare professional had proposed. My new job proved to be the most interesting position I had ever held. And my leave of absence has enabled me to focus on my health—both physical and mental—in a way that has not been possible for years.
Choosing ourselves is the proverbial equivalent of putting our oxygen mask on first. It doesn't have to be viewed as a win for us and a loss for someone else. People whose relationships end often go on to find new partners; the smart ones learn from what didn't work and experience growth that might not have occurred had the relationship continued. Employees and colleagues welcome new coworkers who bring fresh ideas, energy and connections.
I love the notion of standing tall and walking proudly toward our future. We have to maintain faith that a brighter future lies ahead. Without it, the hard work of leaving can feel overwhelming.
A friend sent me a beautiful quote this morning:
What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't happened yet.
I believe this with all my heart. I have to.
It is my hope that anyone in the midst of walking away or facing a life-threatening disease can take solace in these words. The best days are yet to come.
