[2021-06-06] Serenity
I'm not usually bothered by the heat, but today, I felt lethargic. I started strong, getting my morning walk out of the way before it got too hot. When I returned home, I watered my garden plants, which were parched despite yesterday's rain.
With those two activities out of the way, I settled in a shady spot on my deck and spent the day reading, writing and listening to music. As if in approval of that choice, the Eagles' "Take It Easy" came up on my playlist just as I wrote those words. The title seemed fitting for today.
I was grateful for my daughter's company on the walk, which always makes it go more quickly. I was grateful for the breeze, which kept the humidity at bay. I was grateful for the sun, which bathed the space beyond my deck in warm light, and for the blue sky overhead. I was grateful for the shade of the cedar tree that hangs over one corner of my deck like a giant umbrella.
After this week's posts, a friend emailed to say that I must feel that life is unfair. If ovarian cancer weren't enough, I'm faced with a decision on whether to have preventive surgery in the hopes of avoiding breast cancer.
But I don't feel that life is unfair. Instead, I believe that I have so many things to be grateful for.
For instance, on my walk with Melanie this morning, I talked about how great she and her brother were throughout their teen years. They were responsible, calling us whenever they wouldn't be home as expected, which wasn't something we demanded; they just did it naturally. They were respectful to Chris and me. They didn't do any of the things that can cause parents angst: drinking, taking drugs, smoking cigarettes, getting tattoos. (I'm not passing judgement on anyone who does these things, as I was far from a perfect teen.) Our kids were more often as not at home or checking in when they weren't, which meant that we didn't worry about them.
Someone once told me that our kids were homebodies because there was always someone to come home to, which was true. Chris was in the home from the time my son was six months old. He made all our meals and shuttled our kids to school and appointments and activities. For my part, whenever I wasn't at the office, I was at home.
Melanie mentioned this morning that Chris and I didn't push views on her and her brother or make demands that would lead them to want to rebel. We've always endeavoured to have a pretty chill household, where each family member is free to pursue their interests. I had confidence that my kids would make good choices if we left them in charge of their decisions, and—by and large—they did.
I have always tried to approach most situations by controlling the things I can and accepting the things I can't. For instance, I can control whether I take medication to try to keep my cancer from recurring and investigate surgery to try to avoid a second cancer, but I can't control the fact that I have a faulty BRCA2 gene. So rather than bemoan the latter, I get on with the former.
Similarly, it would have been easy for me to think that if I didn't push my teens, they wouldn't do what they should and might do what they shouldn't. But I resisted the temptation, and I believe that this made all the difference.
As the sun sets on day one of a three-day heat wave, I remind myself to have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
