[2021-06-09] Beauty

Back when I was at Carleton University, my best friend and I noticed a cute guy who came to Rooster's Café where we would often hang out between classes. We would nudge each other whenever he walked in. And we'd report sightings of him whenever one of us was at the café without the other. We even made up a name for him—Beau—as shorthand for our discussions about him.

Beau was really good looking. He was tall, with dark hair and broad shoulders. And he had a cool vibe. In our minds, Beau was not just good looking, but also kind, smart, funny—everything you would want in a boyfriend. My friend and I were smitten.

I'm not sure how my friend finally made his acquaintance, but she and Beau started dating. His real name was Mike, or something like that. I'm a bit sketchy on the details, given that it's been about 35 years.

Here's what I do remember vividly: Mike was never as good-looking as Beau. You see, as my friend got to know the tall, dark and handsome stranger, she discovered his true nature. Mike was a bit full of himself: attractive and keenly aware of this fact. Their relationship was short-lived.

I recalled this story today when this quote came up in my Instagram feed: "A person becomes 10 times more attractive, not by their looks but by the act of kindness, love, respect, honesty, and loyalty they show."

I learned this myself. When I was a young woman, I didn't feel pretty. I bought into society's notions of beauty, which meant being thin, having perfect hair and teeth, and definitely not wearing glasses.

One day, I got on a city bus and smiled at the bus driver. He smiled back. I thought to myself, "Wow, what a beautiful smile he has." I took my seat, but just before I reached my stop, I made my way back to the front of the bus with the intention of telling the bus driver that he had a gorgeous grin. However, before I could say anything, he said to me, "You have a beautiful smile."

"Me?" I said, incredulous. "I was going to tell you the same thing." We both grinned again.

That's when I learned that smiling makes anyone instantaneously more attractive. A smile communicates kindness, love and respect as well as an openness that makes others feel safe.

Since having cancer and losing my hair, I have deliberately shared photos of my bald head. These images serve as a reminder that how we look isn't what makes us beautiful. It's the positive energy we put out into the world and the way we make others feel about themselves that make us attractive.

My wish today is that young people—especially young women—will realize that being a caring person will multiply their natural beauty 10 fold. Be kind, smile, exude warmness. Doing so will make you decidedly more alluring to people who, themselves, are kind, loving and respectful.