[2021-06-12] Love
Three times in the last two days, I've come across different expressions of love.
The first instance occurred yesterday, while on my morning walk. As I listened to Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I was struck by an exchange the author had had with a participant in one of his seminars. A man approached Covey and stated:
"My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can I do?" ...
"Love her," I replied.
"I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."
"Love her."
"You don't understand. The feeling of love just isn't there."
"Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."
"But how do you love when you don't love?"
"My friend, love is a verb. Love—the feeling—is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"
The second occurred this morning, when I came across a visual on Twitter that provided another fascinating take on love, this one from therapist, author and relationship expert Nedra Tawwab. Contrary to what The Beatles sang, Tawwab declares:
Love is not all you need
- You need mutual respect.
- You need support.
- You need trust.
- You need boundaries.
- You need people to be there when it matters.
- You need space to grow and acceptance when you do.
- You need people to show their love in a way you can understand.
The third occurred this afternoon when I learned from a friend that a former colleague of ours had passed away suddenly; I was reminded of this quote from Oprah Winfrey:
I know for sure that in the final analysis of our lives—when the to-do lists are no more, when the frenzy is finished, when our e-mail inboxes are empty—the only thing that will have any lasting value is whether we've loved others and whether they've loved us.
What do I take from these three inspirations? First, love is not merely what we feel, but also how we act. Second, it's okay—even imperative—that we have healthy expectations for what we will get back from the ones we love. Third, at the end of our days, we will be remembered for how and whom we loved, not what we achieved and amassed.
My former colleague was a funny, down-to-earth and caring man. Judging by the number of people who reached out to me today to ensure that I was aware of his passing, I would say that he had a significant impact on a large number of people. That is the mark of a life well lived and of others well loved.
