[2021-06-14] Mentoring

I've mentored many employees over the course of my career—some formally, the majority informally.

The formal relationships often had a first-date quality, at least in the beginning: a little awkward, somewhat forced, and tinged with uncertainty about where the relationship should go. As a mentor, I left it to the mentee (the person seeking my guidance) to set the agenda, ask questions and direct the conversation. I thought that this was the best way to ensure that the mentee got what they needed. But many mentees struggled with how to structure the discussion.

Though I do less mentoring now, given that I'm on health leave, I still have people reach out to me to solicit my ideas on various career questions. Today, I thought I would share tips for mentees on how to get the most out of their mentoring relationships.

  1. Invest in yourself. Potential mentors will be more willing to invest time in you if you can demonstrate you’ve already invested time in yourself. In her chapter on mentoring in Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead, Sheryl Sandberg says we need to change our guidance to prospective mentees. "We need to stop telling them, 'Get a mentor and you will excel.' Instead, we need to tell them, 'Excel and you will get a mentor.'"
  2. Be a giver. One of the best ways to catch the eye of a potential mentor is to give: volunteer, write a blog post, comment on someone else’s, share useful resources via social media. Show that you’re not just about taking. And if you do land a mentorship, give back by sending your mentor information related to their interests.
  3. Do your homework. If you want to approach a specific person to be your mentor, find out everything you can about that person. Read their articles, blog posts, tweets or LinkedIn profile. Ask colleagues what your prospective mentor is interested in and whether they would have the expertise you are looking for. You’re more likely to convince someone to become your mentor if you can show that you’ve already done your homework.
  4. Recognize that mentors are all around you. I used to think that I had never had a mentor. That’s because I was using the same definition of a mentor as many employees: an individual with whom I had a formal, long-term relationship resulting from my asking that person to be my mentor. In reality, I have had many mentors: bosses, colleagues, subject-matter experts. They have included invisible mentors, people I observed and whose example I followed.
  5. See as much value in the single mentoring encounter as in the long-term relationship. Sandberg says, "I have seen lower-level employees nimbly grab a moment after a meeting or in the hall to ask advice from a respected and busy senior person. The exchange is casual and quick. After taking that advice, the would-be mentee follows up to offer thanks and then to ask for more guidance." Personally, I've mentored many people through one-time conversations.
  6. Be prepared. Sandberg notes, "Most people in the position to mentor are quite adept at problem solving. Give them a problem to solve." And don't be afraid to discuss with your mentor things that didn't go well for you. Setbacks are opportunities to learn; your mentor is likely to share stories of their own failures and how they learned from and overcame difficult situations.
  7. Provide structure and expect rigour. In a Management Tip of the Day, Harvard Business Review advised mentees to "Set up regular meetings with agendas so your conversations don’t degenerate into aimless chitchat." It also recommended that mentees ask for regular assignments if the mentor doesn't provide them. "Make sure each meeting moves you toward your goals."
  8. View your mentor's feedback as a gift. Whether positive or negative, your mentor's feedback is a gift. The article 10 Quick Ideas for Becoming a More Effective Mentee suggests: "Mentees who struggle to accept feedback from their mentors may find it helpful to talk with their mentors about how they would like to receive feedback. This may help mentors to grow as well."
  9. Respect your mentor’s time. Be punctual and don’t overstay your welcome. If you asked for 15 minutes, then conclude the conversation after 15 minutes. The only exception is if your mentor insists on continuing the conversation, which happens frequently if the mentor is talking about themselves.
  10. Report back on your progress. Keep your mentor apprised of recent developments and progress in your career. Not only is this a professional courtesy, but it also gives the mentor a sense of accomplishment, knowing that their advice made a difference. You can report back by sending a quick update by email or providing a report at the start of each mentoring session.
  11. Note and follow up on commitments. Take notes during your mentoring discussion on what you’ve committed to doing. You can also volunteer to send your mentor a quick note after the session summarizing both your commitments and theirs. Then follow through.
  12. Maintain confidentiality. Build and sustain trust in your mentoring relationship by keeping your mentor’s confidence. Don’t repeat to others what your mentor has said unless you’ve asked permission to share something from your session with someone else.
  13. Know when to conclude a formal mentoring relationship. The Harvard Business Review states: "Once you’ve achieved your goals, move on before the law of diminishing returns kicks in. But stay in touch. Your mentor may become a sponsor who advocates for you even once your formal relationship ends."

Returning to Sheryl Sandberg's advice, she notes in her book that "mentors select protégés based on performance and potential," looking for individuals who are talented and would benefit from help. I can recall one notable moment in my career when a former deputy minister sought me out. Several years after he had ceased to be the head of my department, he emailed me out of the blue to say something like the following: "I will be in your building on such-and-such date. If you're available, I'd like to meet with you." Of course, I made sure that I was available. It was surreal to have my former boss's boss come to my office and spend almost an hour with me to talk about my career. Among the things he told me that day was that I was very well organized, which surprised me as I hadn't considered that to be one of my strengths. Having someone of his calibre take the time to talk with me about my future did so much to boost my confidence.

If I could give only one piece of advice to people considering finding a mentor, it would be this: see the mentors all around you. They could be a boss, a client, a colleague, a teacher, a neighbour, a relative, a friend. The tips in this post can be applied in any situation where you are seeking input from others to help you advance in your career or any other endeavour.