[2021-06-30] Getting through
My pandemic experience has not been typical (if there is such a thing).
For the first eight months, I was in the thick of Canada's response to the COVID-19 outbreak. As busy as my job had been before the pandemic, it got even more demanding the moment the novel coronavirus first made its appearance.
Then ovarian cancer arrived, pushing aside COVID as the primary focus of my life. The demands of my hectic position were replaced by medical appointments, tests, surgery, chemotherapy, medication, and multiple rounds of recovery. I concentrated on healing my body and sustaining my mental health.
For the first time in months, if not years, I was able to spend time with my family in a way that I hadn't been able to do before. I also discovered new activities or rediscovered old ones that I had enjoyed in the past: gardening, writing, baking, designing. I took the time―and had the time―to walk, read, write, reflect and learn.
With adult children able to work from home and a husband devoted to cooking and caring for me and the kids, I had a luxury that many people didn't. I could focus on me, my health and whatever would contribute positively to my body and mind.
Had I not stopped working because of cancer, I would have had no time to devote to passion projects, including this blog. This no doubt differs from the experience of the many people who continued to be employed throughout the pandemic and who may have seen the demands on their time actually grow: more work, increased childcare responsibilities as schools switched from in-person learning to online instruction, expanded duties caring for elderly parents.
For many people, just getting through the pandemic has been challenging enough. That's why I enjoyed an article that a friend sent to me this morning: Lockdown was not a sabbatical.
Author Anna North cites many examples of a pressure to have learned something or grown as a person during the pandemic or to have derived some meaning from what may have felt like a traumatic experience. She writes:
It’s also just the latest iteration of a narrative that’s been around since the beginning of the pandemic: that people should be using their quarantine time productively, whether that meant learning a new language, writing a play, or even starting a business. That narrative has always ignored the reality of pandemic life, during which many people did not have the luxury of staying home, and even those who did were often too anxious to pursue personal growth....
If anything, some say, what we should learn from this year is to give ourselves and others space to heal in our own ways. Sometimes, "the lesson is that I survived," [psychologist Joy Harden] Bradford said. "If that is all you took out of this, then really, that should be enough."
The person who sent me the article felt it included important messages. I agree. At a time when our interactions are virtual more than actual, it's easy to get the impression that everyone is gardening, baking bread, writing a novel, or picking up a new skill.
There is value in hearing that it's OK to be merely surviving the pandemic in the same way that I have taken comfort in hearing from other cancer survivors and my cancer coach that it can take longer to recover from cancer treatment than one might think.
North acknowledges that it's fine to try to make the most of the last year:
For people who want to, there’s nothing wrong with trying to reframe their experience of the pandemic in a positive light. That can be a coping mechanism for some people, [psychiatry professor Jessi] Gold said. So can things like baking bread or taking up a new hobby. "Some of that has been people’s attempts to manage their own anxiety," [psychologist Joy Harden] Bradford said. "It feels like, ‘oh, my gosh, the world is falling apart, I’m not in control of anything. Let me control the things I have control over.’"
The problem comes when we face pressure—from friends, from prospective employers, or even just from a culture that expects every experience to be somehow productive—to swiftly transform the pandemic into an opportunity for learning or growth. "There’s nothing you’re supposed to get out of this," Gold said. "If what you get out of this is, like, you’re breathing, congratulations."
So be kind to yourself because just getting through the pandemic is an achievement in itself.
