[2021-07-04] Getting what you want
Sometimes, my inspiration for a blog post comes from something going on in my life. Other times, it comes from what's happening in the lives of people I know. Today, I'm thinking about how hard it is to leave an unhealthy relationship when that relationship has brought us joy in the past.
I thought of this when reading this week's newsletter from Atomic Habits author James Clear in which he writes: "A surprisingly effective way to get what you want is to not settle for less than what you want."
It's so easy to settle, especially in relationships.
Of course, we don't start out settling. We meet someone new: we're on our best behaviour, as are they. We have fun; we are exhilarated; we like the way the other person makes us feel.
But over time, the fun may wane and the frustrations grow. Doubts may creep in. We may question whether the other person is right for us.
Still, we are apt to reminisce about those first few weeks or months or even years when things were good, and we long to recapture those initial feelings.
What we rarely think about is the healthy relationship we're missing by prolonging the unhealthy one. It may be helpful to ask ourselves: "Am I getting what I want, or am I settling for less than I want?"
A famous quote says, "When one door closes, another opens, but often we look so long and regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us."
The challenge is that when it comes to relationships―or jobs, hobbies or service providers―there isn't always another door waiting for us to walk through. In those moments, we need to have faith that there will be another door and that the only way to get what we truly want tomorrow is by not settling for less than what we want today.
