[2021-08-01] Selflessness
As I sit down to write today's reflections, I feel tired. Good tired, but tired nonetheless.
I had a full day: I took a long walk with Shane and Melanie in the morning, and shorter walks with each of them to run errands in the afternoon. I made Chunky Monkey Zucchini Banana Muffins (excellent recipe) and then Shane and I made our weekly supper. This week's menu was Sirloin Steak with Garlic Butter (delicious), Garlic Mashed Potatoes (pure comfort food) and sautéed asparagus (super easy). While it may not have been the kind of meal you would find on Canada's Food Guide site, it was the kind of meal that Shane might make to impress a date. On top of this activity, there were dishes—lots of dishes.
Despite my fatigue, I'd rather reach the evening feeling tired than feeling like I haven't much to show for the day. That's just how I'm wired.
My daughter said to me today, "You're selfless. You're always doing things for other people." There is a lot of truth to that.
Selflessness is laudable until it's taken to an extreme—giving to the point of sacrificing my own well-being. I have done that at times in my life, but I'm older and wiser now. I watch for signs that I'm giving too much and getting tired. I take breaks and guard against overcommitting myself.
I'm reminded of something that a consultant said to me a dozen years ago: when our extending ourselves is driven by love or passion, the work energizes us, but when the effort is driven by fear—fear of not measuring up or of disappointing someone—then the work can lead to burnout. Our motivation for overwork can be the difference between exhilaration and exhaustion, she added.
My motivation for working hard to make good food and a comfortable home for my family is definitely love. But I'm not completely selfless: I get to enjoy all this fine cuisine too. And I love the fact that after 28 years, we're still coming together every day around the kitchen table as a family.
