[2021-09-27] Grief
A week ago, I reconnected with a colleague with whom I hadn't spoken in a year and a half. Part way through the conversation, I asked her how her sister was doing. Her sister had been coping with cancer for the entire time my colleague and I had worked together. My colleague paused and said, "she passed last January." I felt bad for my friend, knowing that my expressed condolences were a poor balm for her pain.
Last Friday, a former employee reached out to me to congratulate me on my retirement and to say that she wished that she had been able to participate in my branch send-off. Unfortunately, her father had just passed away and she was consumed with burial arrangements, legal matters, and contacting people.
Coincidentally, later that day, I recorded a podcast on the subject of grief, specifically the grief experienced by someone dealing with a life-threatening illness. In my case, that includes grief associated with the loss of my perfect health, anticipatory grief driven by worry that I might follow the same short path as my colleague's sister, and vicarious grief as I see distress on the faces of those who love me.
Today, someone I love deeply lost her beloved pet. I cried for and with my loved one. I cried for our little lost soul. And I cried knowing that I will one day lose my dear Freddie.
Sometimes, it feels like grief is all around me, hanging in the air like heavy smoke. Other times, it feels like it has invaded me, like a damp chill that seeps into my bones.
As I often do when I am overwhelmed by emotion, I went in search of comforting words. I share this inspiration with anyone who is mourning a loss today.
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. ~ C.S. Lewis
I don't know the context for this statement, but it makes me feel like I'm not alone in experiencing grief mixed with fear.
Perhaps they are not the stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy. ~ Author unknown
This quote makes me feel both sad and comforted at the same time.
What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes us. ~ Helen Keller
It is reassuring to think that everyone and everything that goes before us remains within us.
In the garden of memory, in the palace of dreams...that is where you and I shall meet. ~ Lewis Carroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass
Lewis Carroll gave us a place to hold our grief: in our memories and in our dreams.
Be the things you loved most about the people who are gone. ~ Author unknown
I still think of my brother Greg almost every day, as I have for the past two years. He was a generous soul who inspires me to be a giver.
The reality is, you will grieve forever. You will never "get over" the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole, but you will never be the same again. Nor should you be the same, nor should you want to. ~ Elizabeth Kübler-Ross
I take solace in Kübler-Ross' final words. We should not expect to return to normal. Life without our cherished ones will not be the same and we should not want it to be. Acknowledging the loss we feel at the passing of a family member, friend or pet honours their memory. Our being forever changed bears witness to the depth of our love.
