[2021-10-16] You can do hard things
I often draw inspiration for my posts from conversations with my kids.
This morning, Shane, Mel and I went for a walk, despite the pouring rain. The forecast indicated that it would rain all day, so we thought it was pointless to try to time our outing to avoid drops. We simply grabbed our umbrellas and headed out.
As we walked, Melanie talked about several things that she had done lately that were rewarding in their outcome although they had been hard in the moment—everything from getting her finances in order to participating in the Government Games to researching and buying a new laptop.
We all do hard things in our lives. Sometimes, we push ourselves. Sometimes, other people push us. Often, we enjoy the rewards of doing something that's outside our comfort zone or that doesn't come naturally.
Unfortunately, it's all too easy to forget past successes that resulted from our having pushed through something hard despite our misgivings. Every new hard thing seems impossible.
In The Message You Need to Hear If Things Feel Hard, clinical psychologist Allison Niebes-Davis (aka Dr. Allison) provides helpful advice:
Y’all, life is hard. It involves doing tough stuff and making difficult choices. And so often, we stray away from these things. You think, "I can’t do this, it’s too hard." "I’m unsure, I’m afraid." And all of those thoughts are valid and real. You’re allowed to be afraid.
But her message is this: "You can do hard things." She adds: "good stuff is almost always on the other side of hard things."
Like Melanie, I have many recent examples where good stuff appeared on the other side of something difficult.
Going through cancer treatment was hard, but it gave me a second chance at life. Agreeing to genetic testing was scary, but it provided me with information that I can use to make decisions to reduce risks to my health. Getting monthly blood tests is inconvenient, but every time I see that my CA125 level remains at 7, I am reassured that my ovarian cancer has not returned.
Dr. Allison asks: "How do I know you can do hard things?" then provides this brilliant answer:
Because you’ve done them before. You ended a toxic friendship. You stood up for yourself in your family. You asked for a raise. You raised a teenager. You bravely told your partner how you felt. You applied for a job you weren’t sure you’d get. You blended two families together. You got an A in that awful professor’s class. You told your truth. You dealt with a health scare. You wrangled two toddlers through an airport. You got yourself out of debt. You moved forward, even in the face of horrific grief.
Dr. Allison recommends that we reflect on all the hard things we've done in life and to name them. I would suggest that we write them down, identifying both the hard thing we did and the benefit we gained. Here are some examples to get you started (not necessarily from my life):
Hard thing | Benefit |
Figured out how to cancel a subscription I wasn't using | Saved $25 per month |
Sought out a coach | Worked through some challenging issues |
Told a friend that I was struggling | Came up with actions I could take to address my problems |
Worked through childhood trauma | Became a happier person and a better parent to my kids |
Left home to go to college or university | Got an education in a field I am passionate about |
Accepted a job offer even though I was uncertain I could do it | Succeeded in the new role and grew on the job |
Moved to a new city | Found a place that nurtured my soul |
Volunteered | Made new friends and acquired new skills |
Challenged a person in authority | Felt pride in knowing that I had stood up for myself |
Adopted a pet | Found a loyal friend |
Went for a medical test I was scared to get | Received good news |
Learned to drive | Gained the freedom to come and go as I please |
Decided to retire | Discovered new interests and found time to spend with my loved ones |
Today's downpour in Ottawa broke a record. According to a CTV News story (Record rainfall in Ottawa), "As of 5 p.m., 50.6 mm of rain fell at the Ottawa International Airport, while another weather station recorded 48.3 mm of rain. The previous record for rainfall on Oct. 16 at the Ottawa Airport was 26 mm, set back in 2002."
While it was hard to leave our warm house to venture out in the rain, we enjoyed beautiful scenery on our walk (see photo), the benefits of the endorphins coursing through our veins, and the satisfaction of having gotten our walk in despite the lousy weather.
You can do hard things.
