[2021-10-26] Keep going
One step closer to reducing my risk of breast cancer
Today, I met with Dr. Cordeiro of The Ottawa Hospital Breast Health Centre. This was our third conversation—and the first one in person—in advance of a planned prophylactic bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction, likely next April.
Following an examination, Dr. Cordeiro recapped the surgery, including the risks of post-operative complications. It was all consistent with what she had told me previously. For example, she reiterated that the aim of the surgery, aside from greatly reducing my risk of developing breast cancer, is to make me feel comfortable with the profile of my breasts while wearing clothes, not necessarily while naked.
Nurse Lynne, who walked me through a booklet to prepare for my surgery, also noted that the way my breasts look immediately after surgery will differ from how they will look six months later. The implants will sit high on my chest, she said, but will relax into position over time. She seemed committed to helping me manage my expectations, and I appreciated that.
Notwithstanding the risks and the potential outcomes, I haven't wavered in my conviction that this is the right choice for me. The most compelling reason for me to proceed with the surgery is to avoid another cancer.
As I was leaving today's appointment, Nurse Lynne pointed out that the surgery won't reduce my risk to zero. "I know," I replied, "but I'll take a 5-8% chance of developing breast cancer with the surgery over a 50-85% chance without it." For reference, the risk of breast cancer for women in general in Canada is about 12%.
You win some, you lose some
I took the opportunity of my being at the Cancer Centre today to visit the lab for my monthly blood work.
I was pleased to see that my neutrophils have bounced back to the normal range. They are at 2.4; the normal range is 2.0 to 7.5. Similarly, my white blood cells hit 3.6; the normal range is 3.5 to 10.5. With these two results, all five blood markers that my oncologists follow are in the normal range for the first time since March. This is encouraging, as it suggests that the tumour-suppressing drug I'm taking is not wreaking havoc with my immune system.
I was hoping for another 7 in my CA125 result. Had I gotten another 7 today, that would have made seven 7s in a row. But the streak ended, with my CA125 creeping back up to 8. I must admit that I was a little disappointed. I loved my string of 7s. That said, at least the number isn't 14; I was told early on by one of my oncologists that they would be concerned if they saw a doubling of the number. As a reminder, the normal range for the CA125 marker is 0 to 35.
Keep going
Among the conversations I had today, one, in particular, reminded me of something someone shared with me just a few weeks into my cancer journey:
You can't skip chapters. That's not how life works. You have to read every line, meet every character. You won't enjoy all of it. Hell, some chapters will make you cry for weeks. You will read things you don't want to read. You will have moments when you don't want the pages to end. But you have to keep going. Stories keep the world revolving. Live yours. Don't miss out.
Before I read this passage 14 months ago, I probably wanted to jump to the end of the book—to know how my cancer story would end. I couldn't have imagined what would befall me in the subsequent year. That I would successfully undergo treatment for ovarian cancer. That I would be told that I had a gene mutation that not only caused my ovarian cancer but also put me at increased risk of breast cancer. That the gene mutation would offer a silver lining, making me eligible for a tumour-suppressing drug.
I faced ups and downs, for sure, but I also experienced the most incredible support.
I was also reminded of some of the relevant passages in The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy:
"When the dark clouds come ... keep going."
"When the big things feel out of control ... focus on what you love right under your nose."
"This storm will pass."
Dark clouds come and go. And come again. But we must keep going, through every page of our book. That's how life works.
