[2021-10-27] National Mentoring Day
I didn't realize that it was National Mentoring Day when I accepted a request to chat with a woman who is preparing for an interview tomorrow.
One of the themes that emerged in our conversation was lack of confidence during an interview. That self-doubt can sneak out of the corners of our mouths when we're otherwise trying to make a good impression. Our attempt at humility can come across as uncertainty. Our angst about whether the job is a fit for us can be misinterpreted as disinterest. Our hesitancy about whether we have the skills to handle the position can lead the interviewer to doubt our competence.
In my experience, this lack of confidence is exhibited by women more than by men. As successful as I was in my career, I held myself back at times. I thought that I couldn’t accept or apply for a particular job if I didn’t meet every single requirement, and I shied away from at least one opportunity out of fear that it might involve a greater commitment than I felt I could give at that point in my life.
I recounted a story today about an informal discussion I had had with an assistant deputy minister some 20 years ago in which I essentially talked him out of hiring me. I was a young director with young children, and I wasn't sure—at that time—that I wanted the added demands that would come with being a director general. Moreover, I suffered from the misguided notion that I had to have all the required experience for a job before embarking on it.
Later in my career, I decided that if half the requirements of a prospective job were familiar and the other half scared the crap out of me, I would give the assignment serious consideration, knowing that it would offer a significant opportunity for growth.
Facebook Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg made a similar point in her book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead:
One reason women avoid stretch assignments and new challenges is that they worry too much about whether they currently have the skills they need for a new role. This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, since so many abilities are acquired on the job. An internal report at Hewlett-Packard revealed that women only apply for open jobs if they think they meet 100 percent of the criteria listed. Men apply if they think they meet 60 percent of the requirements. This difference has a huge ripple effect. Women need to shift from thinking "I'm not ready to do that" to thinking "I want to do that—and I'll learn by doing it."
When I reflect on my career, I know that—more often than not—I chose to feel the fear and do it anyway, such as accepting to act as a director, saying yes to an invitation to participate in a two-year learning program, agreeing to head up a new secretariat, or taking my last job as assistant deputy minister of communications. I took many opportunities when they were offered and created others when they weren’t.
At the same time, a successful career doesn't have to mean moving up. Like Sandberg, I don't believe in a single model of success or happiness. Sandberg argued:
Not all women want careers. Not all women want children. Not all women want both. I would never advocate that we should all have the same objectives. Many people are not interested in acquiring power, not because they lack ambition, but because they are living their lives as they desire. Some of the most important contributions to our world are made by caring for one person at a time. We each have to chart our own unique course and define which goals fit our lives, values, and dreams.
In another exchange today, I talked with a young woman about whether she aspired to being an executive. She acknowledged that while she might have said yes in the past, the pandemic taught her that work-life balance is key. Nonetheless, she recognized that she wouldn't likely be satisfied with remaining at her current level for her entire career.
I supported her instincts. I also noted that it isn't necessary to try to jump to the end of the book—in other words, to try to figure out where her career would ultimately end up 25 years from now. Given that she wants to have kids, I shared with her that I became a director only when my children were 6 and 4 and an executive when they were 8 and 6.
My hope is that the women who do want to lead at work or to have a varied career will not be held back by external obstacles or internal barriers to reaching their full potential. By the same token, I hope that all people are able to choose a career path that fits their aspirations and circumstances.
