[2021-11-21] Catch them doing things right
As part of my ongoing efforts to share with my kids the lessons I've learned in life, today I focus on parenting tips.
One of my favourites is courtesy of Canadian parenting expert Barbara Coloroso: "catch them doing things right."
The concept is simple: notice when your kids do the right thing and reinforce that behaviour rather than harp on what they do that is wrong.
For example, praise them when they hang up their coat, finish their homework or eat their vegetables instead of criticizing them when they don't. Far too often, parents catch their kids when they break the rules rather than catch them when they follow the rules.
Most kids know what they're supposed to do, so reminding them every time they fall short can be demoralizing to them. However, they'll never tire of being told that you noticed how they measure up. But beware the criticism disguised as praise; for instance, "I see that you didn't bring your phone to the dinner table; why can't you always do that?"
While your children may know what to do, they may struggle with how to do it. My son often says: "don't tell me what I've done wrong; show me how to do it right."
Many parents suffer from little adult syndrome, seeing their children as little adults. But, of course, they're not. Kids can easily get overwhelmed by new chores and enormous requests, such as "clean your room." But if you show your child how to tackle a task or how to break a large project into smaller components, they're more likely to succeed, and you're more likely to catch them doing things correctly in the future.
As a leader, I took Barbara Coloroso's advice into the workplace, catching my employees when they did something that I wanted to reinforce. This could be politely responding to a client, giving credit to a colleague or paying attention to detail. I tried to never take for granted performance that was consistent with what I wanted to see. I strove to make my praise both immediate and concrete. It was a natural extension of what I endeavoured to do as a parent.
As important as motherhood is to me, it's surprising that I haven't written more on that subject in this blog. I'll continue on this theme in subsequent letters to my kids.
