[2021-11-27] Coping with uncertainty

Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend who had started a new job this week. She called because she is struggling in her new role given that her precise responsibilities and the organizational structure have yet to be worked out.

I acknowledged how uncomfortable it can be to live with uncertainty. Not only does uncertainty affect us personally, but it also makes it harder to build relationships with team members, who are likely equally bewildered about their place in the organization.

The conversation reminded me of a situation I faced early in my career. As I mentioned in my Retirement Day post, when I first joined Energy, Mines and Resources Canada, I was part of the department's Canada Centre for Mineral and Energy Technology (CANMET). I worked in CANMET from 1988 to 1995, when the department was reorganized and CANMET was split in two. The energy technology branches of CANMET would merge with the department's energy policy sector, and the minerals and metals technology branches would merge with the mining policy sector. That was fairly straightforward. What wasn't clear was what would happen to the branches that provided corporate support to CANMET. On the day the reorganization was announced, the corporate branches appeared as an asterisk on the organization chart: to be dealt with at a later date. I never forgot the feeling of being little more than an asterisk on an org chart. It would take months before I and my colleagues in CANMET's corporate groups would learn where we would land.

Uncertainty is hard. We all want to know how things will turn out, whether we're part of a new team, or we're watching the organization shift under our feet, or we're dealing with a life-threatening illness.

We can try to obtain clarity, by expressing our concerns to people with the power to provide assurances, by talking to others whom we can trust, or by doing research. Nevertheless, sometimes there is no certainty to be had, at least not for the time being.

On those occasions, I find it helpful to acknowledge and accept the discomfort I feel, to find out what I can, and to let the rest go, trusting that clarity will come in due time.

In writing this post, I came across an interesting article called Seven Ways to Cope with Uncertainty. Author Christine Carter offers these tips for coping when everything feels out of control:
  1. Don't resist. Resisting reality won’t help us feel better, writes Carter; in fact, it will prolong our pain. Instead, we should practice acceptance. "Because acceptance allows us to see the reality of the situation in the present moment," says Carter, "it frees us up to move forward, rather than remaining paralyzed (or made ineffective) by uncertainty, fear, or argument." She continues: "Accepting a situation doesn’t mean that it will never get better. We don’t accept that things will stay the same forever; we only accept whatever is actually happening at the moment."
  2. Invest in yourself. Carter suggests that: "When we underinvest in our bodies, minds, or spirits, we destroy our most essential tools for leading our best lives." So maintain relationships that bring connection and meaning, get enough rest and sleep, and spend time engaged in activities that are fun and joyful.
  3. Find healthy comfort items. It's understandable that we would seek comfort when our future seems precarious. "When we feel uncertain or insecure, our brain tries to rescue us by activating our dopamine systems," contends Carter. "This dopamine rush encourages us to seek rewards, making temptations more tempting." But it's important to choose healthy ways of comforting ourselves. Carter recommends we make a list of healthy comforts, such as going for a walk with a friend, expressing gratitude for the good things in our lives, or taking a nap.
  4. Don’t believe everything you think. Carter cautions against believing the worst-case scenario. "It can be helpful for us to consider worst-case scenarios so that we can weigh risks and actively prevent disaster. But when we believe these stressful thoughts, we tend to react emotionally as though the worst case is already happening in real life, rather than just in our heads. We grieve for things that we haven’t actually lost, and react to events that are not actually happening. This makes us feel threatened, afraid, and unsafe when we are simply alone with our thoughts." Instead of believing every negative thought, we can imagine a best-possible scenario and find the silver lining in our current situation.
  5. Pay attention. Carter argues that "The opposite of uncertainty is not certainty; it’s presence." By paying attention to what's happening in the here and now, we can avoid focusing on an imaginary and scary future. "Even when it feels like everything is out of our control, we can still control what we pay attention to."
  6. Stop looking for someone to rescue you. When we act as though we are powerless, we get trapped in anger and helplessness and may look to others to save us. Instead of fixating on the problem, we can focus on the outcomes we want to see and what we can do to make the most of the situation.
  7. Find meaning in the chaos. Meaning is about purpose, value and impact. Carter says that "We humans are best motivated by our significance to other people." When we know that someone is benefiting from our efforts, we will work harder and longer. "When the world feels scary or uncertain, knowing what meaning we have for others and feeling a sense of purpose can ground us better than anything else."

I believe that my greatest service to my friend was simply validating the unease she was feeling, supporting the actions she was already taking, and suggesting one or two things that she might do or consider. When we're in a difficult situation, it can be comforting to hear someone else say, "Yeah, that sucks. I like how you're responding. And have you thought of this?"