[2021-12-16] Keep moving forward
I often feel that I don't know how hungry I am until I start eating, or how thirsty I am until I start drinking. Today, I was reminded that sometimes I don't know how much something is weighing on me until someone takes that weight off.
The prospect of starting more cancer treatment is not one that fills me with joy. Yes, I'm resigned to it. Yes, I've accepted it as a necessary intervention to reduce my risk of further problems. Yes, I'm looking forward to starting radiation so that I can be finished with it.
But the weight of it all became truly apparent only as the messages of support started pouring in yesterday and today. Each one had the effect of carrying away a small fraction of the weight I've been feeling. Every email, text and social media comment lifted my spirits just a little more. I wanted to share a sampling of the feedback I received in the hopes of providing support to anyone going through a tough time right now.
Some people reminded me that I can get through this. One woman wrote: "All the comments you receive are your readers’ way of adding wind to your wings. Yes, you can fly high." I loved the metaphor of wind in my wings and imagined myself flying through radiation, or at least making a valiant effort. Another person quoted her former boss who would tell her in moments when she felt a steep hill ahead: "Just get er done." This appealed to my inner country girl. And another person—whose spouse has cancer and had chemotherapy, radiation and a stem cell transplant—encouraged me to "keep putting one foot forward every day and keep your positive outlook on life and the rest will fall into place." I live by the one-day-at-a-time philosophy. While some days the ground underfoot is a little less certain, we keep moving forward. That's just how life goes.
Other correspondents provided encouragement in relation to radiation and/or the Irving Greenberg Family Cancer Centre (IGFCC). One woman told me that she knew someone who had had radiation and tolerated it very well; she hoped that I would have the same experience. Another person noted that her husband had had both chemotherapy and radiation at the IGFCC and that the team was compassionate and caring; she felt that I would be well taken care of. I had this same sense from my four visits to the IGFCC to date. A third person mentioned that she was at the IGFCC when her dad rang the bell to signify the end of his radiation treatments. "What a celebration," she said, "start limbering up, you'll be ringing that bell soon." I didn't know there was such a thing for radiation but it makes absolute sense. I will ring the bell for sure.
One friend's comment reminded me of just how many people go through cancer and live to tell the tale. She wrote: "It is baffling how random and cruel cancer is but I know more people who have survived and thrived than who haven’t.... Six people including you and all have bounced back!!!" I intend to be on her list of people who have bounced back.
Many people acknowledged that while my story isn't a happy one, it's nevertheless inspirational. One friend wrote: "It’s not a happy bedtime story. I’m sorry you are walking this path, Jen. Sending warmth and love and light. I’m with you." I appreciated her well wishes and those of so many others. I replied: "Yes, this is not a happy bedtime story. But it is life: sometimes rough going, other times smooth sailing. No matter what we encounter, we find a way to keep moving forward and, hopefully, to notice the beauty around us regardless of the circumstances." One man wrote: "Best wishes for chapters yet to come." I am looking forward to sharing positive stories in future chapters.
Among the most meaningful comments I received were acknowledgements that my story is encouraging others to take care of their own health. One person expressed gratitude for my openness, adding that "it will help encourage others seeking medical advice." Another person noted that my message to get checked if something doesn't feel right is especially pertinent during the pandemic. She admitted that "A lot of us have been 'saving up' our health complaints until after the pandemic. Thanks for the reminder…I’m going to make an appointment today." I agreed that there's no point in putting our health on hold for the pandemic, which seems no closer to ending. Keeping on top of things is my way of thinking, even if I haven't been good at it in the past. A third individual said: "you are...inspiring all of us to continue, even in the COVID-age, to get checked out when things aren’t right. I received a colonoscopy request (regular screening) a month ago and have not done anything about it. Today I will." It means so much to me to know that someone is taking action to protect their health because I have shared my story.
I want you all to know how comforting it is to receive words and images that inspire hope, bring solace, and express solidarity. I am so grateful to my extended family of supporters.
