[2021-12-27] Sharing
This evening, I was searching for articles on how to cope with loneliness. The ones I read contained lists of the kinds of activities you would expect: join a class or online group, volunteer, adopt a pet, talk to strangers, practice self-care, take advantage of alone time, increase family connections, create something, reconnect with old friends, talk to a therapist.
One tip stood out for me. In Feeling Lonely? Discover 18 Ways to Overcome Loneliness, author Tchiki Davis recommends that we "Share for real online." She notes that:
Somewhere along the way, the word "sharing" got co-opted on social media to describe what is really just "humble bragging." We post about cool things we did, nice meals we ate, or a fun party we went to—all things that we didn’t actually share with the people who are viewing our posts.
Instead of posting about things you did, reclaim the word "share" for what it really means—to give a small or large portion of what is yours to someone else. You could share advice, words of support, or even empathy, all from your smartphone. As a result, your connections are likely to be more kind and supportive.
I find this fascinating, perhaps because it reflects my approach so well. I give a small portion of myself in several ways: through my posts, through my responses to feedback on my writing, and through conversations with family, friends and people who reach out to me because of my blog. As Davis suggests, this has helped me to strengthen my connections and to create a sense of mutual kindness and support.
From my earliest days of blogging (back to 2008 with the launch of Café Jen), I have followed one fundamental rule: I respond to every comment on my posts. This turns what might otherwise be a monologue into a dialogue—a dialogue that gives me an additional opportunity to give of myself. Beyond what I share in the post, I offer in my replies further advice, support, validation, empathy, and sometimes a frank comment on my state of mind, which says "you're not alone."
Despite the fact that Davis is an expert on well-being technology, only 3 of her 18 tips for coping with loneliness involve technology. Even her tip on sharing for real could be modified to include communication beyond social media: in person, over the phone, on a video call, via text or email, or in a letter.
Give what you are uniquely placed to offer: a compliment, a sympathetic ear, words of wisdom, recognition of someone else's reality, and confirmation that they are loved. If my experience is any indication, your kindness will be returned many times over.
