[2022-02-12] Is what you're doing serving you?

You're decluttering your house and you pick up an object, trying to decide whether to keep or discard it. You hesitate, then remember this helpful question to facilitate decision-making: "Is it useful, beautiful or loved?" If the object isn't one of these three, out it goes.

I recalled this today when chatting with a friend who is concerned about the Russia-Ukraine situation. Along the lines of the simple decluttering question, I asked my friend three things: Can you do anything about the Russia-Ukraine situation? Will your worrying change the outcome? Is what you're doing serving you?

I referred to my blog post on the Secrets of resilient people. That post told the story of Lucy Hone, an expert and researcher on resilience who had lost her 12-year-old daughter to a tragic car accident. In looking for something to help her through her grief, anguish and pain, Hone learned that resilient people do three things: they understand that bad things happen, they focus their attention on what's good in the world, and they ask themselves: "Is what I'm doing helping or harming me?" In her TED talk, Hone shared the example of looking at pictures of her daughter late into the evening. She would ask herself: "Is what I'm doing helping or harming me?" She would then tell herself: "put away the photos, go to bed for the night, be kind to yourself."

I love useful questions or short statements that help me break out of a cycle of indecision, worry or obsession. Here are some of my favourites:
  • I can do hard things.
  • There's no way out but through.
  • Control the controllables.
  • Happy always comes back.
  • It can't rain forever.
  • The challenges I face are the price of being alive.
  • Be here now, be somewhere else later.
  • My peace is more important.
  • It always seems impossible until it's done.
  • Focus on what you love.
  • I'm here today: I can live, I can love, and I can contribute.
  • When the big things feel out of control, focus on what you love right under your nose.
  • Be decisive and move on.
  • Just put on your shoes and get out the door.
  • Things will get better. You will make them better.
  • The best days are yet to come.
Here's one more that sums up my day: Never underestimate the impact of small acts done with love.