[2022-03-15] Message for a friend
I'm sorry that you are going through something so incredibly difficult. I understand why you would mourn the loss of your old life. It's OK to be sad; it's OK to grieve. I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes.
Though your light may be dim today, it may be the light that shows someone the way tomorrow. Your facing this hardship may be the example that someone else follows in the future. Your sharing your story may help someone else realize that they are not alone.
Do not underestimate the gifts you bring to the world. You are kind, curious and caring. You make people smile and laugh. You make others feel special. You listen.
Do not discount the difference you make in the lives of your loved ones. Your very existence brings them joy and comfort.
Do not miss the meaning you can derive in the midst of this horrible situation and the growth it can engender in you and others. There is always something to be learned. There is always something to be taught.
In time, you may find that your experience makes you more empathic to others, more understanding of the hardships they are facing, more willing to meet them where they are. Take heart in the words of Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, who said:
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
Wrap yourself in the love that surrounds you, from the children who look up to you, to the siblings who adore you, to the friends who cherish you. Some people never know how much they are loved. Know that you are loved, that you are important, that you are enough.
Though you may feel that your future is without hope, remember that you can still contribute and make other people's lives better. Your compliment may mean the world to a tired nurse. Your joke may help someone to forget their own troubles, if only for a few moments. Your advice may point someone in the right direction, even if that's simply to not take their good fortune for granted.
Someone once shared this message with me:
You may think that you are completely insignificant in this world.
But someone drinks coffee from the favorite cup that you gave them.
Someone heard a song on the radio that reminded them of you.
Someone read the book that you recommended, and plunged headfirst into it.
Someone smiled after a hard day of work, because they remembered the joke that you told them today.
Someone loves themselves a little bit more, because you gave them a compliment.
Never think that you have no influence whatsoever.
Your touch, word and good deed which you leave behind cannot be erased.
Do not worry that you need to depend on others. Your vulnerability gives them an opportunity to show their strength.
Your body may be weakened, but your love is not. In fact, the love you show may be stronger than ever. You may also find that you receive more love in return.
I do not tell you to be positive or to look on the bright side or to believe that everything will be like it was. I know, only too well, that this is not helpful. But I do believe that we have the power to choose what we do in the face of hardship. As Viktor Frankl said, "everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
My final thought for you is this quote by Jennifer Weiner:
I've learned a lot this year. ... I learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I've learned that some broken things stay broken, and I've learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you.
I could have written it myself (and perhaps I have through the many reflections I've shared in this blog) but this is what I have learned—that we can face almost anything if we have people in our lives who love us.
I love you, my friend.
