[2022-03-26] Secrets of happy people
Today, I reread my favourite excerpts from The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It. Written by David Niven, a psychologist and social scientist who teaches at Ohio State University, the book shares tips for having a happy life.
Niven begins by reminding readers that their life has purpose and meaning:
Consider this: nothing would be the same if you did not exist. Every place you have ever been and everyone you have ever spoken to would be different without you.
Even if you find this hard to believe about yourself, you would no doubt have an easy time making a list of people who have influenced your life: the mom who brought you into and up in the world, the sibling who helped you understand a tricky math problem, the teacher who nurtured your love of words, the stranger who suggested the field of study you ultimately pursued in school, the boss who helped you see your strengths. By the same token, you have touched many people in your life, even if you don't know it—be it with a compliment, a smile, a suggestion, a word of advice, or a hand with a project.
Niven points out that happy people have a fundamentally different perspective on life:
Happy people do not experience one success after another and unhappy people, one failure after another. Instead, surveys show that happy and unhappy people tend to have had very similar life experiences. The difference is that the average unhappy person spends more than twice as much time thinking about unpleasant events in their lives, while happy people tend to seek and rely upon information that brightens their personal outlook.
I do not view my life before cancer as the sunshine period and my life since cancer as the cloudy period. Indeed, if I were to use an analogy for the last 18 months, I would characterize it as the rainbow period—some rain, for sure, but a sky full of beautiful colours, representing the love I have received and the meaning I have derived from my circumstances.
Niven advises his readers not to confuse stuff with success:
Imagine for a moment that today was your last day on Earth. Now, make a list for yourself of all the things that you feel you have accomplished, all the things you are proud of, and all the things that make you happy.
Is your car on the list? Your television? Your stereo? Is your salary on the list? No. What’s on the list are the fundamental elements of a satisfied life—your relationship with friends and family, the contribution you have made to others’ lives, the celebrated events of your life.
My list of accomplishments and things that make me proud or happy would include my kids, my husband, my relationships with family, my dog, my career, my education, my resolve in facing cancer, my mentoring, my blogs, and awards I have won, especially for being a good leader.
Niven suggests that, in life, it’s not what happened, it’s how people think about what happened:
There is no objective way to tell you if you have had a good life, a good day, or a good hour. Your life is a success based only upon your judgement.
I have had a good hour. The final hour before I publish my post is almost always a good one since I'm usually refining my writing at that point. I have had a good day. I went for several walks with my daughter, during which we discussed a variety of stimulating topics. And I have had a good life. I have found love, purpose and success.
The final excerpt I noted from 100 Simple Secrets assures readers that they have not finished the best part of their lives:
The truth is that older people do not consider their young days to be their best days; most enjoy their senior years more than any other part of their life.
What a comforting thought: some of my best days are ahead of me. I am loving retirement, mainly for the freedom it gives me to spend time and energy on things that are important and meaningful to me. Long may it continue.
