[2022-04-16] Husband Appreciation Day
Today is Husband Appreciation Day. I wasn't aware until I stumbled upon it recently on Calendarr.com. Unlike some of the days the site lists for celebration (hangovers, haiku poetry, cows), Husband Appreciation Day is something I can get behind, particularly when I think about the role Chris has played as my husband and the father to our children.
According to Calendarr.com:
Long gone are the days when the husband's only role and purpose were to be the breadwinner of the family. Nowadays, husbands have much more equal standing in a marriage, and are much more involved in their household, helping out with chores, cooking, and childcare (if there are children). In modern marriages, the most important role that a husband can have is that of a supporting and loving partner, a best friend that is always there no matter what.
That's actually a pretty apt description of Chris.
We met in the spring of 1989. Chris was a colleague of a friend. We had our first date in December 1989, he moved in with me in January 1990, and I was pregnant with our first child by June 1990. No time like the present.
Shane was born in February 1991. In those days, federal public servants were entitled to six months of maternity leave. I wasn't thrilled by the idea of leaving Shane with a stranger at six months of age. So when Chris offered to reduce his hours at his sales job so that he could care for Shane while I worked full time, I was incredibly grateful. Knowing that Shane would be with his dad made the transition back to work much easier for me than it would have otherwise been.
Those first few years were challenging. I shifted my hours to work 7:30 AM to 3:30 PM so I could get home in time for Chris to leave for his now part-time job. He worked evenings and Saturdays. Thankfully, Sunday shopping wasn't a thing when our kids were young, so our little family had one day a week when we were all together.
Four months after Chris became a full-time caregiver to Shane, we bought a home in the suburbs, moving from a rental in the west end of Ottawa to a townhouse in Kanata. Less than a year later, we welcomed Melanie to the family. We had achieved the so-called millionaire's family: a nuclear family with one boy and one girl.
But we were like the mirror image of the traditional nuclear family: Chris worked primarily in the home and I worked primarily outside the home.
Despite this non-traditional arrangement, I can't recall ever being questioned on it. Women I worked with wished that they, too, had a house husband (especially when they saw the scrumptious lunches Chris made for me each day). And I don't believe Chris faced any criticism for his role. In fact, teachers appreciated having a father amongst their roster of volunteers. Who better to play Santa Claus at our daughter's nursery school?
Chris eventually gave up his part-time job and started a small business, repairing speakers from our home. He continued to do the vast majority of the cooking, including on weekends, and got up every morning to make us breakfast and send us off to school or work with a hearty, healthy lunch. He took the kids to all their appointments. He was there for them when they forgot their homework or were home sick. He played full-time dad when I traveled for work. And when we adopted our dog, Freddie, Chris took him to the dog park for several hours every day, proving the adage that "a tired puppy is a good puppy."
The Calendarr site notes that, according to surveys, husbands are most appreciated for being supportive of their partner's goals and dreams, funny (able to make their partner laugh), loyal and kind, accepting (enabling their partner to be themselves around them), and smart, ambitious and hardworking.
Once again, this is a fitting description of Chris. He supported me through every step of my career. When I was offered the job of Assistant Deputy Minister of Communications in 2016, I wasn't sure whether I wanted to take the leap into what would undoubtedly be a very demanding position. Chris calmly said, "Go for it!" No conditions. No worries about what this would mean for him or the time we could spend together. No strings. And so I did go for it.
Four years later, when I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, Chris remained by my side, driving me to my treatments and shaving my head when chemotherapy made my hair fall out.
In addition to being supportive, Chris is funny, loyal and smart, and I can absolutely be myself around him. He deserves a little appreciation, especially for allowing me to spend hours every day writing this blog and for giving me the freedom to share our stories.
