[2022-04-17] Parenting

Al Roker, weather anchor on NBC's Today show, recently spoke with Barack Obama to get advice as he prepares to see his final child, Nick, off to college.

Obama offered three tips:
  1. Don't cry in front of them: "Well, first tip is you are going to weep copiously when you drop Nick off at college," Obama said. "But you can’t let him see you cry, so you drop him off and then you quickly leave, and then you cry in the car."
  2. Bribe them to spend time with you: "Tip number two is you try to bribe them with like nice trips," Obama said. "'Hey, we’re going to Hawaii, you guys want to come?' so that they show up."
  3. Remember that your job as a parent is to teach your kids to get along without you: "Michelle always said, and she’s absolutely right about this, our job as parents is to teach our kids not to need us," Obama said. "And it hurts, but when you see them as accomplished, confident, kind, thoughtful, responsible people, then you know you’ve done your job."

Obama's third tip is a hard one for me. As much as I may be ready intellectually to let my kids go so they can make their own way in the world, emotionally I still want to wrap them in protective love. While I'm no Mother Hen, I haven't exactly pushed my kids out of the nest.

I like being needed. I enjoy helping my kids. I cherish those moments when I provide emotional support as they navigate a challenging situation. I like buying things for them (I call it wealth transfer). I believe in the maxim that our kids are always our kids. As Jack Slope said, "Parenting is a life time job and does not stop when a child grows up."

Other quotes about parenting that resonated with me are:
  • "Behind every young child who believes in himself is a parent who believed first." — Matthew Jacobson
  • "The greatest gift a parent can give a child is self-confidence." — Stewart Stafford
  • "It is the sunlight of parental love and encouragement that enables a child to grow in competence and slowly gain mastery over his environment." — Felicity Bauer
  • "Children must be taught how to think, not what to think." — Margaret Mead
  • "The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence." — Denis Waitley
  • "Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them." — Lady Bird Johnson
  • "It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings. — Ann Landers
  • "No matter how far we come, our parents are always in us." — Brad Meltzer
  • "My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it." — Clarence Budinton Kelland
  • "The best inheritance a parent can give his children is a few minutes of his time each day." — Orlando Aloysius Battista
My favourite commentary on parenting is embodied in the last quote. My greatest legacy to my children will be their memories of those moments when I was there to lend an ear, to share a piece of advice, and to let them know I was proud of them for the kind, empathic and responsible adults they had become.