[2022-04-26] Meanderings with Trudy
Last week, Trudy Chapman, host of the excellent podcast Meanderings with Trudy, interviewed me for the episode she published today (find my episode here or wherever you listen to podcasts). The focus of Trudy's program is "exploring joy through the stories and lives of regular people" and examining "what makes life good."
I felt immediately at ease talking with Trudy, which I believe comes through in our discussion. I imagine that listening to this episode of the podcast would be like eavesdropping on two friends having a conversation in a coffee shop—that is if the one friend were curious (like Trudy) and the other friend were animated and verbose (like me). I think I lived up to the name of the podcast, by meandering all over the place in my commentary.
Still, I like many of the answers I provided to Trudy's excellent questions and observations. Here are a few things that stood out for me.
Off the top, Trudy asked me whether I would have stayed longer in my job had I not developed cancer. "Possibly," was my answer. Being diagnosed with ovarian cancer just after turning 54 was, to my career, what instant menopause is to someone's health: it changes everything. One day, I was the Assistant Deputy Minister of Communications for Health Canada and the Public Health Agency of Canada, the next day (or, more precisely, seven days after my diagnosis), I was on medical leave. My focus shifted from an 18/7 (18 hours a day, 7 days a week) fixation on the pandemic to an entirely new mission: facing cancer, blogging about my journey and maximizing my time with loved ones. By the time I completed my cancer treatment and had recovered to the point that I could contemplate returning to work, I had turned 55. Having already established a new role and identity while on medical leave, I transitioned to retirement without the angst so many people face in trying to decide when to retire and what to do after concluding a career.
In answering Trudy's question about the story of my blog, I shared—as I have done previously—that keeping my employees informed of my progress and prognosis was a driving force behind the creation of Jenesis. "I just felt a connection to all of these people and a desire to keep them apprised of what I was going through. And I think I recognized even as early as a week in [after diagnosis with ovarian cancer], that I wanted people to know I am going away, not because I burnt out on this file, not because I've given up on you or I've given up on the mission, but I have cancer. And specifically I want you to know that it's ovarian cancer. Because it's so uncommon. Only 1-2% of people with ovaries will get ovarian cancer in their lifetime. And so I thought it was useful, as a public service, for people to know about that and to be able to follow me through my journey and perhaps learn about that disease as I was learning about it."
Trudy asked how keeping a daily blog has helped me. I replied: "As emotionally strong and resilient as I am naturally, I think the practice of reflecting every day on where I was and what I was going through probably did help with my outlook to be even more positive and even more grateful and more seeing the blessings in my life than I might otherwise have done.... It has allowed me to form deeper connections with people I already knew, develop new connections with people I didn't know, and reconnect with people I knew in the past. And that has been the most amazing gift." I went on to say, "I put myself out to the world and—it's a boomerang effect—I get love coming back, I get encouragement, I get interesting information."
A few times, Trudy used the analogy of a wave or series of waves to describe hardships. Borrowing the analogy, I said: "Cancer could feel like a wave that is coming and just engulfing you and overtaking you and drowning you and suffocating you. But if you find a way to kind of get on top of that wave, and ride that wave, then cancer doesn't have to be this big thing that's hanging over you. And I choose not to let it be a big thing hanging over me."
Trudy asked about courage as an undercurrent of the blog. I responded: "Courage is a bit like a muscle: the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets." I had the courage to write Jenesis because I had already had almost 10 years of experience writing my first blog, Café Jen. Had it not been for Café Jen, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to start Jenesis. She also asked how blogging had affected my leadership or whether it was a reflection of the kind of leader I intended to be? "Sharing my story was an extension of being a leader," I said, adding, "I used my profile in the federal public service as an assistant deputy minister to turn my experience to [a force for] good."
Among my key messages was this one: "I want people to know that you can go through something really hard and still, even in the midst of that hard thing, see the beauty in the world, and the love in the world, and take that beauty into your life, and appreciate that day, because that day you've been given."
I hope that you will give my conversation with Trudy a listen, perhaps over a coffee with your feet up and your earbuds in. You might wish to reflect on the joy in your own life and what makes it good.
