[2022-05-30] Burnout: helping yourself and others

A friend recently suggested that I do a post about helping someone who is experiencing burnout. In researching the topic, I came across two excellent resources: one providing guidance to a person facing burnout and the other offering suggestions to a partner of such a person:

In this post, I summarize the key points from both articles, but encourage you to read them if you want additional information.

Burnout Prevention and Treatment begins with a useful definition:

Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands. As the stress continues, you begin to lose the interest and motivation that led you to take on a certain role in the first place.

Burnout reduces productivity and saps your energy, leaving you feeling increasingly helpless, hopeless, cynical, and resentful. Eventually, you may feel like you have nothing more to give.

The negative effects of burnout spill over into every area of life—including your home, work, and social life. Burnout can also cause long-term changes to your body that make you vulnerable to illnesses like colds and flu.

The article goes on to say:

Burnout is a gradual process. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it can creep up on you. The signs and symptoms are subtle at first, but become worse as time goes on. Think of the early symptoms as red flags that something is wrong that needs to be addressed. If you pay attention and actively reduce your stress, you can prevent a major breakdown. If you ignore them, you’ll eventually burn out.

How can you tell whether you're at risk for burnout? Is every day a bad day? Are you exhausted all the time? Do you spend the bulk of your day doing tasks that are dull or overwhelming? Do you feel like your efforts make no difference or are not appreciated?

If you suspect that you are burnt out, look for physical, emotional and behavioural signs. Physically, you may feel tired and drained most of the time, experience frequent headaches or muscle pain, get sick more often, or see a change in your appetite and sleep habits. Emotionally, you may feel helpless and hopeless, detached and alone, cynical and negative, and you may experience a sense of failure and self-doubt, a loss of motivation, or a decrease in satisfaction and feelings of accomplishment. Behaviourally, you may step back from responsibilities, withdraw from others, procrastinate, use food, drugs or alcohol to cope, take your frustrations out on others, or skip part or all of your workday.

While burnout often occurs in paid employment, it can affect anyone who feels overworked and undervalued, including the stay-at-home parent who is juggling kids, housework and caregiving for an aging parent. And the factors contributing to burnout can be both external, such as work-related stresses, and internal, such as lifestyle and personality traits.
  • Work-related causes of burnout: "Feeling like you have little or no control over your work. Lack of recognition or reward for good work. Unclear or overly demanding job expectations. Doing work that’s monotonous or unchallenging. Working in a chaotic or high-pressure environment."
  • Lifestyle causes of burnout: "Working too much, without enough time for socializing or relaxing. Lack of close, supportive relationships. Taking on too many responsibilities, without enough help from others. Not getting enough sleep."
  • Personality traits that can contribute to burnout: "Perfectionistic tendencies; nothing is ever good enough. Pessimistic view of yourself and the world. The need to be in control; reluctance to delegate to others. High-achieving, Type A personality."
With that context established, the HelpGuide article turns to strategies to deal with burnout. It recommends the 3 R approach:
  • Recognize. Watch for the warning signs of burnout.
  • Reverse. Undo the damage by seeking support and managing stress.
  • Resilience. Build your resilience to stress by taking care of your physical and emotional health.
And it offers five tips for dealing with burnout.

When you feel burnt out

1. Turn to other people
One of the most effective ways to deal with stress is to turn to other people. "Social contact is nature’s antidote to stress and talking face to face with a good listener is one of the fastest ways to calm your nervous system and relieve stress." Choose someone who can listen without becoming distracted or passing judgement. Try to make the time spent with friends and family positive and enjoyable. Avoid negative people. Connect with a cause or community that is meaningful to you; helping others can bring immense pleasure and help reduce stress.

2. Reframe the way you look at work
If your job isn't a good fit—either because it's monotonous and unfulfilling or you're run off your feet—look for another one. If that's not possible, try to find value in your current job by, for example, focusing on the help you provide to others or the aspects of your job you enjoy. You can also look for meaning and satisfaction beyond your job, such as with family, friends, hobbies or volunteer work. If you can, take time off work to remove yourself from the situation and pursue recovery.

3. Reevaluate your priorities
"Burnout is an undeniable sign that something important in your life is not working." Rediscover what makes you happy. Set boundaries; if saying no doesn't come naturally, think of saying no as a way of saying yes to the commitments you want to make. Take a break from technology every day—a set a time when you completely disconnect from electronic devices, email and social media. Engage in creative activities, such as a hobby: "Creativity is a powerful antidote to burnout." Devote time to relaxation, such as yoga, meditation or deep breathing. Get plenty of sleep.

4. Make exercise a priority
Like creativity, "exercise is a powerful antidote to stress and burnout." Try to exercise for 30 minutes each day or 10 minutes three times a day. "A 10-minute walk can improve your mood for two hours." Exercise that requires you to move both your arms and legs can lift your mood, increase your energy level, enhance your ability to focus, and relax your mind and body.

5. Support your mood and energy levels with a healthy diet
"What you put in your body can have a huge impact on your mood and energy levels throughout the day." Minimize your consumption of sugar, refined carbohydrates, caffeine, unhealthy fats, and foods with chemical preservatives or hormones. Avoid nicotine and if you consume alcohol, do so in moderation.

When someone you care about is burnt out

How to Truly Support a Partner Who Is Struggling with Burnout offers four tips to the partner of a person experiencing burnout.

1. Understand what burnout looks like
Burnout may look like irritability, anger, low commitment, lack of interest in work, frustration, emotional numbness, physical illness, sadness, hopelessness and cynicism. "Someone with burnout may say, ‘I can’t take anymore’ when what they really mean is, ‘I can’t give anymore.’ They don’t just burn the candle at both ends, they have no candle left to burn."

2. Listen actively
To broach the subject with a partner who appears to be struggling, try saying something like "You seem to be distressed at this moment; it must be really hard on you," or "Let’s sit for a moment. Tell me how you feel," or "How can I make things easier for you? I would love to support you in whatever way I can." Listen, nod and ask follow-up questions. "One of the most helpful things you can do for a partner experiencing burnout is provide validation and understanding." Don't dismiss their concerns by telling them they simply need to get more rest or stop worrying, or suggesting that everything will be fine, discounting the real work ahead to find solutions to what is causing the burnout. Instead, ask them what kind of support they would prefer. Avoid saying, "I know exactly how you feel," which shifts the focus to you instead of them.

3. Find ways to lighten the load
Note that "burnout can be relieved by concrete, and often easy, measures to lighten your partner’s load." If you have the means, give your partner a break by arranging for a spa day, overnight mini vacation, fitness class or cleaning service. Less expensive options include cooking or ordering dinner. Letting your partner sleep is another way to support them, as adequate sleep is essential to preventing and recovering from burnout. Take on more responsibility for childcare and household tasks. "But don’t assume a night off from parenting is a Band-Aid that will fix everything." It's important to address issues in the home or relationship that might perpetuate burnout.

4. Connect with mental health resources
Support your partner in accessing mental health resources, such as a work-based employee assistance program, a therapist or online tools. Start a conversation about mental health by saying something like, "I notice you don't seem as engaged" or "you seem really unhappy." Remember that the "key to supporting someone experiencing burnout is patience.... Burnout develops over time; time is also needed to overcome it."