[2022-06-22] Bitterness and love
I used to joke with my daughter that once I retired from the federal Public Service, I would start a new blog to replace Café Jen. I would call it Bitter Coffee and, in it, I would say all the cranky things I didn't write in my first blog.
I wasn't serious, of course. Indeed, life took an unexpected turn when I got ovarian cancer and decided to launch a new blog, Jenesis. My daughter came up with the title—a play on my name and the word genesis, defined as "the origin or coming into being of something." The name seemed to fit, as my cancer diagnosis and treatment became the beginning of, if not a new life, then at least a new perspective on life. And that perspective was and is decidedly positive. Jenesis is as far from Bitter Coffee as you can get.
I recalled my joke about Bitter Coffee today as I kept bumping into quotes in social media on bitterness. The first was this one by Josh Shipp:
You either get bitter or you get better. It's that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you.
Going through cancer has made me better, not bitter: more appreciative, more aware of the beautiful humans all around me, and more focused on what brings me joy and how I can bring joy to others.
The next related quote that came up in my social media feed was this classic by Nelson Mandela:
As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.
How does a man who spent 27 years in prison, fighting for an end to racial injustice, leave bitterness at the door of his jail cell? He no doubt recognized—as a friend said to me—that a person who is bitter, for whatever reasons, causes harm to themselves. My friend added that such a person will either find themselves isolated from others or will seek out like-minded individuals, exacerbating their own bitterness. I replied to my friend that bitterness is a poison willingly drunk by those who feel being right is more important than being happy.
This evening, as I reflected on bitterness, I came across one additional quote that I really liked, this one by Dave Willis:
Bitterness and love can't live together in the same heart. Each day, we must decide which one gets to stay.
Bitterness is not the only emotion that can't live together with love. Others are anger, resentment, disappointment, superiority, frustration and blame. That's not to say that such emotions are bad or wrong; indeed, they have their place. But when we invite them into our hearts, pull out a chair for them, and ask them to stay a while, we do ourselves a disservice.
Though I don't expect to ever write a blog called Bitter Coffee, I still have work to do. Love is a choice I can make each day.
