[2022-07-14] Being present
After spending the last two days with Shane, I decided that I would stay home today. I felt that my husband and daughter, not to mention my dog, needed my presence here.
That's not to say that I spent the day highly engaged with them, as I had with my son when we tackled his closet project on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Chris and Mel have their own interests and obligations—work, correspondence with friends, content to read or watch—so they don't necessarily need me to be interacting with them throughout the day. Often, they simply need me to be available: on hand at mealtimes; free to take a walk if they so desire; ready to help care for Freddie; and present for rituals like watching Jeopardy after supper or chatting before bedtime.
I used to think that "being present" meant doing something active with another person, with no distractions. Perhaps that's what it meant when parenting Shane and Mel as children or when courting Chris. But as I've aged, I've come to think that "being present" is often about being available, just in case I'm needed.
"Being present" is neither exclusively about A (being engaged) or B (being available). It's both A and B, and it can change over time.
This morning, I walked to the grocery store with Chris, and this afternoon, we shared a new favourite treat: a vegan raspberry-chocolate frozen bar. After supper, Mel and I went for a walk. Then Chris and I sat in our chairs in the living room, watching a few shows, chatting during the commercial breaks, and enjoying a dessert I had made earlier in the day in response to my husband's craving for chocolate cake and cheesecake (Chocolate Coconut Cheesecake Bars). The activities aren't grand or deeply meaningful. They're simply everyday pursuits, enjoyed in the company of a loved one.
