[2022-07-24] Women supporting women

Today, when I stopped in at my local grocery store to pick up a couple of items, it was busier than usual at the checkout counters. I picked a lane and waited patiently for my turn to pay. The cashier looked a little frazzled, but was nevertheless kind and enthusiastic. Given how quickly the line moved, I was surprised to see an "In training" pin below her nametag. I commented that she was very efficient and that I was surprised to see that she was in training. She blushed, clearly not convinced of her effectiveness. I told her, "you're doing a great job," which made her smile.

Later in the day, in a conversation with a friend, I noted that I had had a lovely chat with her son the day before. It led to an exchange about the joys and challenges of parenting. I told her that she's a great mom and that I'm happy to support her.

In fact, I've been thinking a lot lately about how women can support other women—in both their professional and personal lives. Here are a few suggestions:

  1. Help ensure women's voices are heard. In meetings, sit at the centre of the conference table, as opposed to the ends, and encourage female colleagues to do the same. If a woman is interrupted, interject with "I'd like to hear Mary finish." If a coworker takes over a woman's idea, say, "I support this idea and appreciate Glenda's having raised it." If a woman is trying to get into the conversation, note, "I believe Jacinthe has something to offer." If another woman has made a great point that has gone unnoticed, build on her idea, stating, "I support Ellen's view and would add."
  2. Celebrate women's accomplishments. Ask lots of questions if it's a big win. Tell them you're proud of them and why. Acknowledge their accomplishments publicly, for example, in meetings or via email with a copy to their boss. Describe their successes and credentials when you introduce them to other people.
  3. Help boost other women's confidence. Tell them why you think they would succeed at a new opportunity. Remind them of past successes. Offer to be a sounding board as they get up to speed in a new job.
  4. Provide specific feedback. Tell them what they're doing well. Recognize efforts they're making to enhance their performance. Make specific suggestions about things they could do to be more effective. Share your own challenges and how you overcame them.
  5. Mentor and sponsor other women. Mentorship is about providing guidance to a person. Sponsorship is about promoting that person to others. Both types of support can be very helpful to women, especially those early in their career.
  6. Build your network. Nurture relationships with women who are positive, encouraging, strong and committed to helping other women. They can inspire you and be a resource in helping you to sponsor the women in your life.
  7. Accomplish goals together. Share your goals with the women around you. If someone has the same goal (for example, getting eight hours sleep per night), form an accountability partnership where you report to each other on your progress in achieving your objective.
  8. Get excited about what they're excited about. If they've started a new hobby, show enthusiasm. Ask questions and listen attentively as they describe their new pastime and how it brings them joy. If they're contemplating a change, start any feedback with the positives of the potential change.
  9. Model body positivity. Verbalize what you appreciate about your body, for example, that it allows you to accomplish tasks, express yourself, and contribute to your community. Take care of your body and explain why this is important; you will influence the girls and younger women in your life.
  10. Lift other women up. Listen. Give compliments. Point out positive results, honest effort and noteworthy behaviour. Even simply letting other women know you're thinking of them can help them feel special.
  11. Support charities that support women. Donate money, time or things to organizations that empower women and girls.
  12. Be vulnerable. With people you trust, share what you're struggling with, as this can help other women feel less alone. Tell stories of your successes, which can inspire other women, as well as your failures, which can inspire other women even more.
  13. Open the circle. When you are part of an established group—such as a neighbourhood, workplace or club—open the circle by inviting other women to join. Think of being at a cocktail party talking with a group of people in a circle: when someone approaches, step back to make the circle wider so she can join the group.
  14. Take them along. If you're going to a meeting, take a junior employee along to give her an opportunity to see how senior managers discuss and make decisions. If your community is having a social event, invite your new neighbour to go with you and introduce her to others.
  15. Be specific about how you can help. Making a general offer of help ("Let me know if you need anything") is less effective than suggesting something specific ("I'm going to the grocery store and would be happy to pick up anything on your list"). This kind of specific offer is especially appreciated during significant life events, such as the birth of a child, a return to work after maternity leave, an illness, divorce, or the loss of a loved one.
  16. Share tools, resources and ideas. Spent some time identifying your priorities? Share them. Read a great book? Recommend it. Found a helpful online resource? Send a link.
  17. Practise empathy. Imagine life in other women's shoes rather than judging them. Perhaps they have a different level of energy from you. Perhaps they are dealing with a mental health issue or have a hidden disability. Perhaps they are overwhelmed by responsibilities you don't see.
  18. Show up for other women. Send a friend or family member a daily text to check in. Lend an ear or be a shoulder to cry on. Follow through on commitments. Support female-owned businesses and promote them on social media. Smile at other women.
  19. Thank them. Show appreciation for the things other women do for you—both big things (such as recommending you for a job) and little things (such as sharing produce from their garden). Women can so easily be taken for granted.
  20. Invite them to hang out. Spending time one-on-one gives you the opportunity to practice many of the women-affirming activities listed here: listening attentively, celebrating accomplishments, providing feedback, checking progress, showing enthusiasm, giving compliments, being vulnerable, offering help, asking questions, thanking them.

I dedicate this post to the many capable, nurturing, kind, successful and empowering women who surround me. In both good times and bad, you have mentored me, sponsored me, listened to me, taught me, showed up for me, supported me and cheered me. Thank you!