[2022-08-01] Chemistry

I went for a walk with a friend and former colleague this morning, someone I had seen only once since leaving work two years ago. We had a lovely walk, if a bit warm. Our hour together flew by; we barely noticed the scenery (a well-traveled path for me but a new one for her). We conversed freely on a range of topics: work, career, leadership, family, priorities.

We spoke about chemistry between a boss and an employee. It's an elusive concept, hard to define, but clear when you have it and when you don't have it. When you have chemistry with someone, your interactions feel comfortable, effortless and in sync. You trust each other and have confidence that you both have the other's best interests at heart. You express gratitude to each other for what you do and how you do it. You can be honest and authentic; you don't need to try to impress each other because you're already impressed. You operate on a basis of mutual respect, which enables you to raise and resolve disputes in a way that sustains the relationship. You can count on each other. You genuinely like each other and enjoy being in each other's company; meeting with this person is often the highlight of your day.

I was fortunate to have good chemistry with many of my bosses and great chemistry with a few. This was partly due to luck, and partly due to my efforts to build a positive working relationship with my managers. Here's the approach I used and would recommend to others:
  • Understand your manager's priorities, deliver on the files that are important to them, and support them in meeting their boss's expectations.
  • Show them respect, work hard and take direction.
  • Take note of and follow through on your commitments, so that your supervisor doesn't have to remind you of them.
  • Get along with your colleagues, serve your clients well, and build a strong, positive team under you.
  • View your boss with empathy and adapt your approach to fit their management style. Do they need a lot of detail? Give them a weekly report. Are they highly visual? Support your points with diagrams and graphs. Do they grow impatient with long briefs? Get to the point quickly.
For me, this recipe worked in all but one case. Not surprisingly, this was my shortest job—less than a year. I took from that experience that if you don't have chemistry with a manager, do what you can to build it, but be prepared to move on if your way of working is just not compatible with theirs.

I've often advised people looking for their next assignment to consider not just what they would be doing but also for whom they would be doing it. Look for a boss who has a reputation for being respectful, listening to their staff, and developing their people.

But even if they don't have such a reputation, a given leader might be the perfect fit for you. It's impossible to know whether you will have chemistry with a prospective boss. Some people may struggle to work with a manager that you get along with from day one. You may have to take a leap of faith.

If you have great chemistry with a boss, be grateful. If you have good chemistry with a boss, work to enhance it by following the approach above. If you have poor chemistry with a boss and your road remains rocky despite your best efforts, feel free to venture forth on a new path.