[2022-08-17] Joy of missing out
You've probably heard of FOMO, the acronym for the Fear of Missing Out. But have you heard of its opposite JOMO, which stands for the Joy of Missing Out? I hadn't until today.
I was familiar with FOMO, having heard the term a few years ago (what I didn't realize until today is that the acronym has been in use since the early 2000s). In her March 2021 article Why FOMO when you can JOMO: The Joy of Missing Out, Sharon Lewis provides a helpful definition of FOMO:
FOMO is the feeling of having to be constantly available, mentally or in person, so as to not miss out on important events or moments of consequence. It’s a drive to be checked in at all times, and on top of all the latest developments, both in the professional sphere as well as in one’s personal relationships.
In reading this definition, I recognized a form of FOMO that I had experienced in my last job: I'll call it professional FOMO. As an assistant deputy minister of communications, I felt the need to be connected to work at all times for fear of, well, maybe not missing out, but at least of being caught flatfooted if my boss or someone in the Minister's Office called to say, "Have you seen that story in the Globe?" The implication was that something unflattering to the department, the government or the minister had appeared in the press and it was my job, as head of communications, to do something about it.
But let's get back to JOMO. My first exposure to JOMO occurred today when I came across an Instagram post by Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life:
JOMO (noun). Joy of missing out. Feeling content with staying in and unplugging as a form of self-care. Antonym: FOMO.
I was immediately drawn to JOMO. It was like meeting a group of people and thinking, "These are my people."
So I did a little digging to determine whether JOMO was new. Turns out it isn't. In "Why FOMO when you can JOMO," Sharon Lewis references Danish philosopher and psychologist Svend Brinkmann who published The Joy of Missing Out: The Art of Self-Restraint in an Age of Excess in 2019. Lewis writes:
The problem with experiencing FOMO is that people begin thinking that they are living inadequate and lesser lives when in fact, they could be achieving much more, in the same way that their peers are. Along with social media, Brinkmann pointed out that consumer culture also shares some of the blame for constantly marketing the grass-is-greener rhetoric.
He added that disengaging from these demands can in fact help people develop deeper and more joyful relationships. This is because JOMO is a way to efficiently reallocate personal resources—time, money, energy, and attention—to become effective in as many...areas in their life as they can healthily manage at the time.
The idea of efficiently reallocating personal resources—time, money, energy and attention—appealed to me. No longer do I awake at 5:45 AM and reflexively reach for my phone to scan the headlines for stories that might require immediate action by me or my team. If I do reach for my phone (at a more acceptable hour of 7:00 AM) and I do open my news feed, I'm more likely to search for good news stories than to consume the fear-mongering, negative, political, critical or sensational pieces.
That's not to say that FOMO is completely a thing of the past for me. I see what others are posting on social media: once-in-a-lifetime trips, fabulous birthday celebrations, weekends filled with hedonistic pleasures. At times, I wonder whether I'm spending my time, money, energy and attention in the right places.
Mostly, however, I like my quiet life. That's why I was so taken by the concept of JOMO. Here, at last, was an acronym that legitimized my natural tendency to be a homebody. Lewis states:
JOMO is not just about missing out, it’s missing out consciously so that you can make time for other, equally or more important things. It asks that we teach ourselves when, why, and how to say no to social plans, work demands, personal expectations, and even taxing responsibilities that we may not be ready for.
These three words "missing out consciously" are perhaps the three most important words in Lewis' entire piece. Yes, we may be missing out, but JOMO is about making a deliberate decision to miss out, or—put another way—to focus our time, money, energy and attention on what matters to us, not others. It all comes back to priorities.
I like the way Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life characterizes JOMO: "Feeling content with staying in and unplugging as a form of self-care." It makes staying home and unplugging not only a legitimate choice but a wise one as well when our motivation is to take care of ourselves.
