[2022-08-21] Tips for asking someone to provide a reference

I have been asked to provide a reference for others many times in my career, and continue to be approached to serve as a referee (a person who gives a reference for someone else).

I always found it easiest to provide a good reference for a job seeker when our interactions occurred in the last few years and hardest when they occurred many years in the past. While I could usually remember overall performance—whether they could be relied upon to deliver, whether they got along with bosses, colleagues, employees and clients, whether they demonstrated initiative—I often struggled to come up with concrete examples of their performance if too much time had passed. To help address my fading memory, I learned to ask reference seekers to send me a note reminding me of their accomplishments while we worked together.

Tips for approaching a potential referee

Providing a memory jog to a referee is just one best practice when approaching someone to provide a reference as part of an assessment of candidates for a job. Here is a complete list based on my experience.

  1. Seek permission before providing a potential referee's name to a hiring manager. Before providing someone's name as a reference, check with them to make sure they would be comfortable being a referee and that they would be a good choice. You might say, as this article suggested: "Do you think you know my work well enough to provide me with a reference?" "Do you feel comfortable giving me a reference?" "Do you feel you could give me a positive reference?" Your potential referee may feel they are not an appropriate referee because they cannot give you a good reference, didn't work closely enough with you to vouch for your achievements and competencies, or interacted with you too long ago.
  2. Give your potential referee (and yourself) time. Contact a potential referee as early as possible to ask whether they would be willing to provide a reference for you. They are likely busy and may not be able to get back to you for a few days. If they subsequently decline, you want to have given yourself sufficient time to contact another person.
  3. Make sure your referee is available and accessible. If the hiring manager has a two-week window to complete reference checks and your referee is on a two-month holiday abroad, you might need to offer a different name. Ask your reference when they will be available and when you expect the hiring manager to contact them. Ask them to provide their current title and organization and to identify their preferred email and phone number for the hiring manager to contact.
  4. Provide your referee with details of the job you're competing for. Providing details about the job you're applying for—title, level, organization—will make it easier for your referee to provide comments and anecdotes that are relevant to the kind of role you are pursuing. Having this information may also help the referee determine whether they would be well placed to provide a reference for you in this case.
  5. Provide a memory jog to your referee. Create a brief document that specifies when you and your referee worked together and summarizes the achievements you had and the competencies you demonstrated during that time. The best such document I received as a referee was from a former employee who took each of the competencies the hiring manager was looking for and provided concrete examples of how and when she had demonstrated these. This made it easy for me to provide details to the hiring manager about my former employee that I might have otherwise forgotten. You may also wish to provide your referee with a copy of your CV and the job posting for additional context. That said, don't expect your referee to read a lot of documentation. The most important piece for you and them is your list of accomplishments.
  6. Ask permission to provide a referee's name for each competitive process. Even if you've asked someone to be a referee in the past, it's courteous to reach out to them each time you want them to provide a reference. Indicate what position you are being considered for and offer to send them a memory jog to help them answer the hiring manager's questions.
  7. Thank your referee. Send a thank you to anyone who consents to being a reference for you. And let them know the outcome of the competitive process. If you are successful, either as the winning candidate or as a candidate added to a pool for future consideration, send a thank you to your referee, either via email or traditional mail.

One additional tip—which you can do long before you need to ask someone to provide a reference for you—is to keep a list of potential referees. As you go through life, you will encounter bosses, colleagues, employees, clients, teachers, coaches, mentors, volunteer coordinators and others who can be potential referees. Anyone who can speak to your achievements (academic, employment or volunteer) or to your competencies (abilities, skills, personal attributes) could be a reference, particularly early in your career when you may have had fewer managers than someone who has been in the workforce for many years. Keep track of each referee's role (e.g., manager of x program in y organization), contact information, time frame during which they interacted with you, and what they can attest to. The more recent your reference, the better: people who worked with you in the last few years will be best positioned to comment on your current strengths and work ethic, which will be more relevant to a hiring manager than hearing from a referee who interacted with you many years ago.

Remember that when you ask someone to provide a reference, you are asking them for a favour. Be polite, make their job as easy as possible, and show your appreciation.