[2022-09-08] Rest in peace dear Freddie
It's hard to turn the page when you know someone won't be in the next chapter, but the story must go on.
~ Thomas Wilder ~
Two months to the day that our vet told us that we would have Freddie for a couple more months, we made the heartbreaking decision to let our beloved dog go. He had been declining slowly but surely, as one would expect with cancer in his liver and leg. In the last week, he stopped eating anything but a few dog treats, was drinking a lot to compensate for chronic diarrhea, was sleeping almost around the clock, and—most importantly—no longer appeared to be enjoying life. It was getting increasingly difficult to convince Freddie to go outside to sit on the front lawn, which had been one of his favourite activities in the past, for it was there that he could watch the world go by and interact with the children who came to visit. In recent days, his mobility was increasingly impaired, and he had started to exhibit confusion, not sure what to do when he had to climb the two steps into the house.
I've spent the last two months sleeping on an air mattress on the same floor as Freddie (he had long been incapable of navigating stairs) so that I could take him out in the middle of the night when he needed to go. It was strangely peaceful to be with him on the many nights we ventured forth—just me and Freddie and the stars. I will remember him when I look at the night sky.
Deciding when it is time to say goodbye to a pet is incredibly difficult. I was comforted by the vet's confirmation that it was the right time for Freddie. Our beloved pet was dehydrated and "not a happy dog." The most loving thing we could do was to let him be at peace.
After the vet administered the medications that put Freddie to sleep for the last time, I sat with my dog, on the floor of the exam room, alone with the pet who had brought such joy to my life and the lives of many others. As a final ritual, I played "Into the West" by Annie Lennox, the same song I had listened to many times when grieving the passing of my brother Greg. The words were so appropriate for Freddie: he truly was weary, at the end of his long journey: 15 years, 8 months and 2 days.
Dear Freddie, I will miss you, but as the song says, "You and I will meet again | And you'll be here in my arms | Just sleeping."
"Into the West"
Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
The night is falling
You have come to journey's end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore
Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping
What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home
And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
All Souls pass
Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say
We have come now to the end
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again
And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping
And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the West
