[2022-11-02] I'm too old for this

Today, against my better judgement, I attempted a recipe that seemed way too fussy. I blame it on my husband who found the recipe and completed step one of the process a few days ago. When I asked him today whether he wanted me to finish the recipe, he was happy to leave it to me. I read the instructions and asked him: "Did you know the recipe calls for steaming this sticky toffee pudding for 1½ hours?" Chris admitted that he hadn't read that far. "Should we still make this?" I asked. He thought we should give it a try. So off to the store I went to find muscovado sugar, which the recipe creator insisted was essential. "In for a penny, in for a pound," I thought.

Though I had never steamed a pudding, I threw caution to the wind and gave it a whirl. After 1½ hours—the time specified in the recipe—the cake wasn't cooked. I continued to steam the pudding for another 30 minutes, but the cake still wasn't cooked. So I decided to introduce the British sticky toffee pudding to a French Canadian pouding chômeur. I dumped the contents of my half-cooked steamed pudding, with its rich chocolate sauce, into a casserole dish and shoved it in the oven for 15 minutes. At last, I had something that was edible. Though the final product was tasty (how could it not be given the amount of sugar, butter, cream and chocolate in the dish?), it just didn't seem worth the calories or the commitment. "I'm too old for this," I told myself.

In fact, I'm too old for a lot of things. Last night, I had a humorous exchange with a former colleague about things we're too old for. My list included working for people who don't know what they want and hers included stroking other people's egos. I told my friend that I had been thinking about what my I'm-too-old-for-this list would look like.

At what point can one declare, "I'm too old for this"? Author Dominique Browning suggests that 60 is the appropriate age (which reminds me of the arbitrary guidance not to wear white after Labour Day). In her New York Times article I'm Too Old for This, Browning writes: "Only when you hit 60 can you begin to say, with great aplomb: 'I’m too old for this.'" She adds: "A younger woman advised me that 'old' may be the wrong word, that I should consider I’m too wise for this, or too smart. But old is the word I want. I’ve earned it."

At only 56, I might quibble with Browning's 60+ cut off. Having faced life-threatening ovarian cancer, I think I've earned the right to say: "I'm too old for this." With that in mind, here's my list so far.

I'm too old to...
  • Follow fussy recipes. (The effort-to-reward ratio had better be worth it—the same goes for the calories-to-flavour payoff.)
  • Buy fancy clothes that I'll wear only once. (Forget dresses and slinky shoes—I like pants because I can wear an extra layer under them and I like boots because I can wear wool socks in them from October to April.)
  • Feel cold. (I don't care what month the calendar says it is—if I'm cold, I'm going to wear my winter garb.)
  • Try to change anyone's negative opinion of me. (There are enough people in the world whose opinions I don't need to change.)
  • Stay up late (unless it's in my bed, binge-watching a baking show).
  • Renovate my house. (If it works and it's clean, I'm good with it; the next person to own my house can renovate it.)
  • Try to keep up with the Joneses. (I know what's important to me and having stuff or status isn't it.)
  • Look for things I know I have but can't find. (So decluttering and organizing what I keep is my only hope.)
  • Acquire more pyjamas, socks or underwear. (I have enough to last me a lifetime, including a never-worn supply for when my current supply wears out.)
  • Play sports or pursue activities that would leave me vulnerable to injury. (I've got no time for medical problems I could have avoided. I have enough challenges with medical problems I couldn't avoid.)
  • Be too shy to share details of my health issues. (Someone is better off because I've decided knowledge-sharing trumps embarrassment.)
  • Dye my hair (Actually, I was born too old for this.)
  • Get a tattoo (unless you count the permanent marks on my hips and belly that were used to line everything up for pelvic radiation).
  • Drink alcohol. (I lost all tolerance to alcohol years ago.)
  • Answer emails immediately. (I spent years answering every email as quickly as possible, like some Pavlovian response; now I answer them when the time is right.)
  • Turn down offers of food, gifts or services (no reciprocity guilt here—just gratitude).
Writing this post led me to read about what other people are too old for. Some of the ideas were inspiring, insightful or hilarious. Here are a few of my favourites:

Things other people are too old to do...
  • Have guilty pleasures. (I no longer have any guilty pleasures. I just have regular pleasures.)
  • Wear uncomfortable shoes. (I also don't care if my socks match. If they mostly match, that's good enough.)
  • Find the good in every person. (Sometimes, people are assholes.)
  • Shut up. (I no longer want to keep my mouth shut when I see an injustice.)
  • Experiment with a haircut. (Stop trying to stay current. Anything that requires more than two products or curling implements is a needless complication.)
  • Stay out until the bitter end of a night. (Next time it hits 3 AM and you run out of ideas and someone asks, "Where next?" experiment with saying, "Let's go to our separate homes and sleep.")
  • Drink shitty coffee.
  • Feel insecure about one's looks. (We were, we are, all beautiful. I have no doubt that when I’m 80 I’ll look at pictures of myself when I was 60 and think how young I was then, how filled with joy and beauty.)
  • Give in to hopelessness and despair. (What matters most is the work. Does it give you pleasure, or hope? Does it sustain your soul?)
  • Try to change people. (I’ve learned, the very hard way, that what you see in someone at the beginning is what you get forevermore.)
  • Put up with toxic, sour or spoiled people. (It’s easier all around to accept that friendships have ebbs and flows.)
  • Go to nightclubs. (If I can’t have a seat, get to the bar and toilet easily and hear what you’re saying, count me out.)
  • Go to parties that start after 9:00 PM.
  • Do boring exercises. (Yoga? Not for me. Likewise a treadmill, a stationary bike, or bouncing up and down on a huge rubber ball. Each is exhausting, monotonous, with nothing alive to look at, listen to, or smell. I suggest doing one of the first things many of us ever learned how to do: walk.)
  • Dye one's hair. (Look your age. Be completely honest about who you are and what you are: old. Don’t change that lustrous silver for a muddy brown. Throw away every last one of your disguises. Who are you trying to fool, anyway?)
We're never too young to declare "I'm too old for this." Whether our judgement comes from age, wisdom or reflection, if something isn't working in our life, we should feel free to gently let it go.